Lived Experience Forum

[TheVorticon]

It just sucks. I look forward to the sessions so much and then when they're a flop it's just really hard. I miss him but it's disgusting to feel this way, so the correct thing to do is probably to quit except I don't want to. 😞

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon 💙

[TheVorticon]

My counsellor now realises how the stuff with my psych is my fault. It's for the best.

I need to ask my psych to end sessions with me because I can't end them with him even though I should. It just hurts too much for me to do it but it needs to be done. I hope I don't wake up. I deserve this pain but I'm weak and don't want it. 

[peacelily]

I hear that you are experiencing a really painful difficult time . Are you safe tonight ? If needing extra support please contact the helpline services . Lifeline PH:13 11 14 No need to make big decisions tonight take time to make them

[TheVorticon]

I shouldn't be allowed to live but I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it. So I'm "safe" by default.

[jazz]

Hi @TheVorticon it sounds lke you are struggling at the moment. Please look after yourself and seek the support of lifeline or other support services should things escalate. I am glad yoi are safe, take care and stay connected.

[saltandpepper]

Hey @TheVorticon I've read your thread with keen interest and there's alarm bells ringing for me left right and centre.

Let me know how you're going, I hope you are coping and are safe this evening.

If you are able to elaborate and expand on what is going on between your psych and counsellor. I'm not sure what they've deemed as being "your fault" but absolutely no therapist should be insinuating this at all! As many good psychologists as there are out there, there's a whole butt load that aren't, and some are dangerous in these roles. We come to therapy in the hopes of placing our trust in someone and confiding in them. We need assurance, validation, understanding, and gentle guidance from our therapists. If a therapist is telling someone they are "challenging" they're immediately removing themselves from any responsibility they have to their client! Whether a client is easy to work with or not--I can't imagine any of us are to be honest--comments like that are damaging! If a therapist isn't able to help a client, they're obligated to refer you on to someone who is more appropriately equipped to deal with the issues at hand. We all have different needs and require different levels of care from our therapists, some psychologists are simply not capable of helping because they lack the education and experience to be of any help. It is not at all a reflection on you, and I can't stress enough what a red flag a comment like this is for me.

I've seen maybe half a dozen different shrinks in my time, and only one of them has been able to help me. One size does not fit all, and even if someone is "equipped" to help deal with your situation, it still doesn't mean they will be a good fit.

The dynamic between you and your psychologist is worrying to me, it quite honestly sounds like they are--either intentionally or not--feeding those thoughts of not being worthy.

I'd really encourage you to step back from this therapist and take some time to ask yourself a few questions:

> Why did you first start seeing a psychologist?

> What did you hope to gain from your sessions?

Then jump on to google and do a search for psychologists in your area. All psychologists have special fields of interest, and there is one out there that is capable of treating you with patience and kindness while providing effective treatment. For example, my well meaning GP referred me onto a psychologist who had no experience or interest in dealing with complex trauma. So I did a google search and managed to find one that sounded like a good fit to me. I went back to my GP and instructed her to refer me to him. Sometimes they need to just be told.

I don't believe therapists should ever say anything critical to patients. That only serves to foster a hostile environment and is such a dangerous approach to take when dealing with fragile and influential minds. My psych is someone who I've been seeing for 2 years now and he's never said an unkind word to me--even when I had a slip of the tongue and said I'd like to punch him--of course that was a terrible thing to say and I really didn't mean it at all. Even after me giving him an easy out to have a go at me, he didn't. He is very patient, forgiving, kind and understanding. He is not at all like the other psychs I met with, and until I did meet with him, I was sure no such person existed. So I implore you to consider seeing someone who will do a better job at managing you and your needs.

I'm not sure what the context is behind your being "challenging", but that is so far over the line to say to a client, I can't even.

[TheVorticon]

Hi @saltandpepper. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it.

However if I were to elaborate, you would eventually realise that I truly am the problem. It would just be a matter of how I explain it, but the same conclusion is unavoidable. I haven't decided what I'm gong to do about things other than not think about it. 

[saltandpepper]

Thanks for checking in @TheVorticon 

If you feel comfortable talking more about what's happening with your current psych and counsellor, I'm happy to listen, and even if I can't help sometimes just getting things out there can help us to process what's going on.

I mean I don't know what the story is behind being "the problem". But it doesn't matter to me. People who go to therapy are people who have problems and need help with them. No one should be made to feel they are somehow bad or wrong for this. My psych is always telling me that we can fix things. No pattern is unbreakable. I said it before and I'll say it again, there's a lot of sh*t psychs out there.

One psych I saw straight up said she couldn't help me.

Another psych I saw when severely depressed and suicidal simply said "that's not good" when I told her I wanted to *sensored by SANE forums*. She then gave me a sheet to take home detailing warning signs to look out for and how to combat them. When I told her I'd been doing those things she said, "well, keep doing them." She was fu*king useless as Hell.

Another psych I saw simply repeated a mantra of positive thinking at me, and when I tried to explain that my negative thought process isn't the issue, it's a symptom, she kept telling me to "think positive". She also kept giving me "homework" to do, like trying to track my moods and work through a checklist of chores--showering/cleaning/eating, basic stuff. When I'd rock up to my next app and have none of those things done, she'd say she can't help me if I won't do anything. I was too fu*king depressed to do anything. I needed help addressing the underlying issue, not the symptoms, she didn't understand that. She wasn't equipped to help beyond creating a structured routine for me. And I'll be honest, that woman, I'm sure was well meaning, but yeah, it fu*ked with my head. I remember feeling like I must've been too messed up to help, that I was the problem and not her. It set me back a bit, and until chatting with you about it now, I'd kind of blocked it out. I remember leaving her office one time and wanting to off myself because I felt like I was failing her too. And if she couldn't help me then what hope did I have? But now that I've found the right psych for my needs, I see it all differently. She didn't have the education needed to help me, I wasn't the problem, my lacking ability wasn't the problem, and I wasn't wrong or bad for not being able to do her stupid checklist. The help she tried to give me just wasn't right for me. I needed more help than she was capable of providing me with.

Some psychs are uneducated, some are burnt out, some just shouldn't be given the opportunity to influence impressionable minds.

I'm here if you want to chat about what's going on, and I'm going to keep parroting that if the psych isn't able to help you, that's a fault on their part, not yours.

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon  Sounds tough. I’m really sorry. I know sometimes words don’t cut it, but sending you warm caring thoughts. 🎮🎮