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Looking after ourselves

bha
Contributor

How to Live with the Black Dog (Depression)

Three decades ago, I realised that I have Depression, and started seeing relevant professionals. Throughout those 30 years, I had a suicide attempt, and I became very close to having more attempts. My psychiatrist tried almost every medication in (and outside) the books. I tried ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy – where I got electricity pulses into my brain.) I participated in trials of new therapy methods.

 

I lost my job. After being a senior consultant, who pays tax at the highest level, I became a disability support pensioner. I lost my capability to provide a role model for my children. Basically, I became a useless creature.

 

I still have little hope that during my lifetime, a new therapy would be discovered by the smart professionals.

 

For now, I would like to share with you what might help you to live with the Black Dog (as often referred to Depression.)

 

First and for most, you need to accept that you are different and that nobody “can” appreciate that. No matter how you explain it, no one can ever understand what you are going through. Unfortunately, almost everyone around you would almost always give you bad and unhelpful advice. “Try” as much as possible to avoid letting them get through to you. At the same time, you need as much support as possible.

 

This the most difficult challenge about Depression. You need all the help you can get. However, almost everybody around you is doing exactly the opposite of what you need them to do. You want to be heard with no judgment or suggestions for solutions, while everyone is trying to be creative and suggesting all sorts of useless advises. They are sincerely trying to help, while they are doing you so much harm without realising it. Luckily, these days, there are some articles and videos, which explain what a depressed person needs to hear. Try to find them, and pass them through to the people around you. Don’t waste your time trying to explain it. You will, most probably, get worse by trying to explain it, because of the frustration of not being able to get the ideas through to those you love. People need to hear it from a professional, who is not biased.

 

Second, you need to accept that you can’t fix it by yourself. It is an illness like any other illness, which needs a professional to help you with it. You might feel strong and healthy enough to take control. You, probably, needed very little professional help throughout your life. You feel confident that you will be able to get through it, as you did with the many challenges you had in your life before. I am sorry to tell you that this one is different. It is so much different. It is truly different from anything you have seen in the past. You might have seen how difficult it is to free a car stuck in the mud. Almost all people get this situation worse while trying to fix it.

 

I am sure you agree with me that it is so different. You feel completely different. You feel (or actually you don’t feel at all.) You find that you have no control over anything. For, probably, the first time in your life, you feel helpless. There is nothing insight, which you can hold to. There is no one, whom you can call; or even worse, everyone you call pushes you down deeper in the mud, despite that they are actually trying to help!

 

You truly need to call for professional help. You will most probably need medication. Don’t worry about getting addicted. Like any medication, you can get clean (with the help of professionals) when you reach the point at which you don’t need the medication anymore. However, honestly, you "might" need to spend the rest of your life dependent on those medications. However, this is not different from any other illness. People rely on medication for all sorts of illnesses. This is not their fault. This does not mean that they are weak. This simply means that some part of their body is malfunctioning and needs external support to work properly! It is exactly the same thing with anti-depressant medication, you might need them because some part of your brain is not working properly.

 

Last but not least, follow the professional advice you get seriously. There is a chance that you don’t feel comfortable dealing with a certain professional. At the end of the day, we are all humans, and none of us is perfect. Try another one. Be open to trying different medications and different therapy techniques. Once, I had a discussion with a Depression-researcher. He told me that there are different reasons why people get depressed. Moreover, there are different treatments for each reason. Yet, today, they are unable to determine the reason for Depression for a specific patient, let alone trying to find the best treatment for that reason. The good news, though, is that most treatments work by focusing on the symptoms, rather than the cause. Do NOT give up. In most cases, professionals can use various techniques to identify the right treatment for each patient.

 

Do not blame your self for being ill.

It is not your fault.

Seek help.

Do not lose hope.

 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: How to Live with the Black Dog (Depression)

hi @bha and welcome
thank you for sharing all your tips with us

Re: How to Live with the Black Dog (Depression)

Great post. Depression has no why, no reason. It just is. And people need to understand this and accept it for what it is and why it's difficult to recover
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