Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

To my dear friends

@outlander @Schitzo @Candydipper1 @Adge @Jynx  @eth @nashy  @Maggie @TheVorticon @NatureLover @Shaz51 @Rebel @Snowie @The-red-centaur @Anastasia @Whitehawk @Clawde @Zoe7 @Appleblossom @TAB @MDT @Gazza75 @frog 

I don't want to leave the forum without saying bye & spending a few days chatting before I go.

I want to thank you for all the support and love you shared with me.I've learned so much from everyone. I'd love to see you all for a real cuppa, but then it wouldn't be a forum where we can feel safe. I'll just miss you all. 

The reason for me leaving is because I need to change things in my life. I think I'm living my last chance of life and I don't want to miss it. I want to live. I attempted suicide again recently and it scared the shit out of me. I can't continue the way I was and I need to take responsibility. The forums are great, but I dissociate when I'm unwell and I need to be in touch by phone or see people in person. So in order to make that a normal part of my life I am cutting ties with online forums, social media and text supports. I've tried for so long to know when the difference or the tipping point is, but I need help from people who can look me in the eye or hear my voice regularly and when I'm feeling ok so when I'm not they can make arrangements, whether it's my husband, care team or support services. I'm not scared to have the amubance take me away anymore or me going to ER. Better to take me when I'm unwell than dead. I'm scared that my luck has run out.

People say, stay mindful, live in the present, I can't do that when I'm fixated to my screen and I'm the sort I'd person that just can't 'not look'. 

I'll be closing my account on Monday, so if you want to come by and say hi please do so.

Always remember how amazing every single one of you is! I will miss you! Stay safe everyone xox

[TAB]

oh @Former-Member  usually its like oh please dont go, but what you are saying makes so much sense somehow. thanks for being here and for the heads up. Hope you get the help that you need. Thanks

[Powderfinger]

@Former-Member 

It's very clear in thus post that you want to live. You certainly speak like a person that us very pro life, even if you did make an attempt. Sometimes people do make an attempt and then realise it us actually not what they want at all. Thus is a brave decision you are making and one you have out a lot if though into. Well done. I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery journey. 

Take extra good care. 

Ramble

[TheVorticon]

Hi @Former-Member. It's tricky to get a balance between "real life" contact vs online/screen connections that can meet some needs but not others. I'm glad to hear that you have a plan to connect with people on the phone or in-person to get your needs met in a healthy way.
All the best mate.

[MDT]

Hi @Former-Member
Thanks for the tag.
I agree with tabs point about it making sense.

I do hope you find support and can continue on in your journey. Its okay to take actions like this and especially if you need to be able to find in person supports.

All the best my friend

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  I’m sad to see you go, but I do understand. I hope you find your wings and fly, you deserve to live.

Take care of yourself. 💕💕💕

[Eve7]

Just wishing you all the best for the future @Former-Member  What you say makes perfect sense to me and I will probably do the same very soon.

All the best for good health and a long life that is well lived.

💙❤️💙

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Former-Member 

Your post is so beautiful and brave.

Makes total sense to me. The forum can have a hypnotic quality and too much screen time is a problem everywhere. Sometimes it is best to be all or nothing and leave. Like quitting cigs.lol  It is lovely that you are having a positive 'going away' thread, like a party at work when someone is leaving.  Hugs.

Hope your husband and your support team keep you alive and well.  Wishing you the best in the new phase in your life.

Cheers Apple

[nashy]

@Former-Member Much love to you I love this post because it shows so much love and commitment to yourself and truly, what better gift can a person give themselves? I hear you on the text support. Sometimes we need to step well away from screens take care forum friend - you've got this!

[Shaz51]

Your post is so beautiful and brave. @Former-Member 

sending you lots of hugs , we are here for you when you want to say hello