Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Looking after ourselves

OOTF75
Contributor

My CPTSD Recovery Letter to My Inner Child

A Letter to Myself 
Goodbye, N.
This is my letter to you, N. It is time to let go. Time to confront your adult years. Forty four years of seeking the love and approval from others but not for yourself. I acknowledge that the care and love you gave to others you did indeed feel at those times but those times…..you were still lost, empty and without true substance. You gave because you knew that is what you wanted for yourself but could never allow yourself to ask. So when others wanted for themselves, we gave willingly not understanding to their own weaknesses. Theirs were not your responsibility alone to carry.

And when you couldn’t deliver any longer without compromising yourself? You became a stranger. A stranger to yourself at one time that is still completely alone. And you know what? It’s okay and justice for yourself will prevail. We still have time until our final breath.

This is also the letter to you, my inner child. I’m sorry for neglecting your needs and wants. I’m sorry for repeating the actions and thoughts I developed on your behalf without your knowing. I began reflecting those that neglected you from birth to now. I’m sorry for not learning to smile. To laugh. To play and stare upwards at the sky and admire the warmth of the sun, and the coolness of the moon and stars. To be in the moments that offered you the world to cherish and become one with you. I’m sorry for choosing those that themselves are damaged- to have you once again be their pillar of strength and comfort in their times of need and not your own. I’m sorry for not trying to give you the future you wanted and deserved.

It is not your fault. It was never your responsibility to begin with and it is not now or ever should be. You are now the centre of your own universe. That shiny star surrounded by other shiny stars. You deserve to love without fear or compromise. You deserve to be loved and without compromise.

I am working on being my true to you-
I am going to be selfish at times.
I am going to set boundaries.
I am going to demand honesty and transparency when you begin to hurt.
I am going to place your needs before those of mine.
I am going to allow of your wants and needs to be heard and acknowledged.
I am going to show you my love for you without my need for anger, pity or revenge.

All that can be yours will come from our true place of love and understanding. And you will continue to have your childish reactions but rest assured I will always be there with you at the times you need it the most.

I’m willingly exposing myself to release you from your pain and suffering. You deserve it. You always have.

Therefore:
Let me take this pain.
Let me take the sorrow and the burden of what others have done and continue to do.
Let me take the loneliness and despair.
Let me cry.
Let me wail.
Let me throw the tantrums and express my anger at the injustice that was forced upon you from when you took your first breath.
Let me feel so I can become the person, the adult, the parent, the partner and the friend that you have always so desperately screamed for in your forgiving silence.

Let me do this to set you free to laugh and smile and see the beauty that the world has to give. Feel that warmth and to remain the shiny centre of that universe.

I know you never asked and it's not your fault. I tried to ask on your behalf in its many abstract forms. Sentences of stammers from your emotional cell. They were illogical and irrational to others but how could I “use my words” on your behalf? Words that were never taught to form. But we tried and despite many times of not making sense, take comfort that we did indeed try. No other soul will ever truly know that our inner world was indeed a nonsensical and irrational place. It still is. But it is ours and we will cherish it as we move on to another that is worthy of you.

Stop being punished by those who own inadequacies have become your burden. It is not right. Let them continue on their own path and wave a fond farewell as they continue on their own journey that does not need to involve you.

I am here now and let your vulnerability become mine. You are no longer the victim. You are no longer at the mercy of others. You are your own saviour. Always remember this and hold it close to your fragile heart.

I love you. I always have and always will. Now take my hand and together on our journey, l will try my best to guide you.

1 REPLY 1

Re: My CPTSD Recovery Letter to My Inner Child

Hello @OOTF75 Heart

 

Thank you very much for this beautiful letter to your inner child. We all feel very honoured to be able to hold space for this piece. Thank you 💖

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance