Lived Experience Forum

[M_P90]

So I have complex mental health issues and trauma that I've spent my adult life dealing with. My two closest friends know this about me, and I guess we have formed our friendship on mutual understanding as they have issues themselves. I love and care about them, but so many years later I'm further along in my recovery. I still value their time and advice but sometimes I get soooo tired of their negativity. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I believe they could make more progress. I know that's outside of my control and everyone goes at their own pace. In many ways our situations are different and I know this. I guess it's a weird place to be, feeling a bit better and wanting some positivity from those around me. I myself find my better moments to be fragile and I want to protect my hope and happiness. Another big thing we don't have enough of in our friendship is shared joy. Joy is great but it's better when it's shared, and these friends are just not in the place to be happy. I don't know. I try to not impose judgement on them and be patient but sometimes it would be nice to have friends who can just let go of the crap in life and have some fun. Have you felt the same? How have you managed? 

[Zoe7]

Yes @M_P90 Know what you mean. It is hard to be surrounded by negativity all the time. Sometimes we do outgrow our friendships and it is not because we do not care but we want different things in life. Just because you have been through so much together does not mean you have to be connected so closely forever - there are stages we all go through in life and that can mean you are in a different place than your friends. It would be great for you to have some more positive people in your life - that does not mean you have to leave these friends ...and in-fact you may be a better support for them with more positive people in your life. 

[NatureLover]

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@M_P90 wrote:

How have you managed? 

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@M_P90  have you thought of maybe volunteering? Lots of fun to be had in volunteering, where you meet people who also like the same things as you do (that's when you choose an organisation /role that you're interested in). 

Also, lots of organisations have lost a lot of their volunteers due to Covid and are looking for more. 

Just an idea....good luck. 

[ArtistZ]

@M_P90 

Hey 🙂

that all makes sense to me - I have worked so hard to stay as stable as I can for years and I'm proud of how hard I've tried and how much I've learned.

I would find that friend situation hard too - I do (as part of trying to be well) try to have enough positive social time which with covid has translated to online communication.... I'm not sure I have much advice though 🤦🏼‍♀️
Joy and awe are beautiful expressions of being human and I agree - so nice to share with others.

Plus some good belly laughs are

always helpful 😂👍

Thanks heaps for posting this 👍

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @M_P90. I can genuinely understand your frustration being around negative energy.  Sometimes we have to do whats best for us and to seek out new friendships that are not based on dumping problems on people. Its nice the sentiments you have for your friends even if they are difficult people to be with.  Studying depth psychology informally can lend incredible insights about human behaviour so you know what types of people would be good for you.  I would cultivate friendships around people who have high emotional IQ and are into consciousness.  Having a high emotional IQ means you can engage with life better and resolve issues in your own life.  I would also be around people who know how to discharge toxic energy and maintain a healthy boundaries.  This can come from chi cultivation practices such as qi gong and tai chi.  Mantak Chia on you tube has great ways of dealing with negativity that are free. I would join a spiritual group that teaches ways and means of cleansing the auric field from heaviness from the past to lift the load and make life easier into the future. This is what I do in my own life they are just my ideas but if you are able to embrace things that transform emotional dysregulation using cultivation practices and be in a group of like mind that does this you will be in a more congenial environment that affirms more positivity and hope 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @M_P90 ,

Negativity is a killer. One thing to know though is that you cannot experience gratitude and negativity at the same time. I've known some people who ate real 'grumps', but when I share my gratitude, they tend to raise an ear. Then, they either leave because I'm too 'grateful' for their liking, or begin to 'catch' on to gratitude. 

I also find that sometimes, the more I listen to someone's negativity, the more they go on.

Now of course I don't know anything about your friends. This is only my experience when I work with people in large teams.

Hope you find some solace on these forums!

BPDSurvivor

[pinklollipop15]

Hi @M_P90 

I can very much relate to this post. I did have a point in life where my friends were quite negative folks but I have let them go I suppose they're people I talk with occasionally now maybe once or twice a year. My friends these days are positive, cannot say the same for some family members but ultimately I made a choice to surround myself with people who were more positive than negative and have found that the people I talk to now are more on my level they are open, honest but positive, present but also have hope for the future. I think its great that you have recognised that positivity is something that you want more of in your life and that you do have hope for the future and that JOY and happiness is important too. I'm sure that in time the fun will come. and in the meantime dance! Hope you have a great day 🙂