Lived Experience Forum

[TwoWays]

Thank you. Great idea. I have figured out that when euphoeuc and it honestly feels like I have taken some kind of eccy. But if I get pissed off while euphoric and it does happen cos Im easily agitated at the same time, thats when I rage. I'm trying to contrl my emotions since the dx I have been learning about myself and trying to find where I am or where I have been. My memory of the last year has not been restored.. patches of memory are there but there has been block outs and it's hard. My short term memory is lost. I know the racing thoughts are less but I am positive that the prescriptuon of anti d's in april triggered the moxed state. I came off them cold turkey in june, i think. Then the second try of a different anti d in november. I feel like I have brain damage. I cannot think of simple words now and I struggle in conversatuon because my content is scattered which I am well aware of now so I try not to engage any conversation.. firsy of all I don't really listen to what someone so I try and keep up but I fail and get really uncomfortable. Unless Im manic that's when I don't care and can babble away without giving two hoots. I'm scared when Im not with it sometimes. I want the mixed to leave me alone. Im tired of it shoving the thoughts into my head. It does feel like posession of some type. I was hallucinating last night. The air looked like atoms and particles whirling around. It wasn't really pleasant. Ill be staying on the 450mg anti psych because at that level it assists my sleep which I want and need so badly. Functioning on only 2 or 3 hours here and there has been awful but yes.. I can say the euphoria is worth it. It's a feeling that I absolutely love myself and I take care of myself more and am sympathetic and feel. Feeling something better than a manic low is worth it. Sorry if I'm rambling a little. Even I cannot keep up with myself. I will copy some of my content here and take it to my GP on wednesday. Again thank you. Means so much to be able to communicate with someone understanding, whom has a caring nature.