04-07-2019 07:10 PM
Hello. Im' experiencing some debilitating symptoms of depression. I stay in bed absent from activities of daily living. Lost to friends and family. Alone and in bed. Believing it is an escape when really it is a choice. A choice that takes me out for another day. My illness over these past 20 years has included states of depression where I lie in a comma or catastrophic state. Writing that reminds me that hey I have been worse than this! It's just that I've had higher expectations than this. I haven't wanted this rat wheel of one depressive episode after another. Clawing back only to loose it bit by bit or in a suddenly collapse. I wasn't going to let BP define me but it overcomes me. I am robbed of my intellect my desires, dreams, ambitions, cognition, decision making and of life itself. I know what helps but am put off by the effort and will power. I know I feel better getting into my clothes yet it is a full force battle to break the inertia that screams don't do it! You don't have to and I give up. Attitude turns negative destructive and rebellious. THEN.... Today I have been functioning well. I had the determination to stay out of bed even though fatigued and now this evening I notice a brightness that is in such a reversal. I want to do things. It's almost a moment of shock sending me into high alert. In fact I do worry when this happens. I know I am unwell even with the lift. I guess im writing to find how people pace themselves. I am mostly Type 1 depressive
04-07-2019 08:05 PM
We hear you @Georgie1, it can be very difficult getting up in the morning, and to be honest, sometimes we just need to celebrate putting regular clothes on. What's something positive that you've done today (no matter how big or small it is)?
05-07-2019 01:22 AM
@Georgie1 Hey Georgie1 I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar1 now Schizoaffective disorder and in the past have slept my life away too (once for over a year). I know exactly where you are at. For me my meds really help. They keep my moods in check and stop me from swinging to much one way other the other. I find going for walks in the sun shine beneficial. I think it is the vitamin d and seeing and greeting other people is really helpful in keeping my moods in check.
When I am tired I sleep sometimes that is for hours during the day and then am up for hours at night..... so I haven't as yet got my sleeping patterns right (a work in progress). Anyway I hope I have helped a bit. Love peaxxxx
06-07-2019 06:05 PM
Thanks green pea. Sleep patterns truely are a work in progress. It's quite a personal journey and I've struggled with guilt and shame about my sleeping patterns. Being kind with myself and allowing myself guilt free sleep often conflicts with my expectations about how much activity I need. Adjusting my expections of daily activities is important and needs to be maluable. Finding low grade activity that keeps me out of bed and rested would be good. Thanks for your thoughts
06-07-2019 06:08 PM
Hi @Georgie1 and welcome to the forums if you're new. Sorry I didn't see your post until just now. I also have bipolar 1 and it's a constant business of self-management, meds and therapy for me, 10 years after diagnosis but I've probably had it since I was a teenager (56 now). There's a thread called Managing Bipolar 1 that might have some tips for you. You will find lots of friendly and supportive people around the forums so hang in there.
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