29-07-2019 08:18 PM
I’m new here and not use to public speaking. End up regretting what I say and go over in my head for hours saying why did I do that.
Anyway im struggling with my depression at the moment this feels like the longest episode yet. I don’t leave my bed or my room. Constantly tired, no motivation , no interest. This has been a few months now. They still don’t get it.Yesterday I broke down in front of my family. Constantly crying. My head is a mess. Been wanting to s.h but surprisingly not this time so I’m proud of that for some strange reason. I don’t want to be here and I don’t want mental illnesses. It’s a constant fight. If it’s not one it’s the other. I apologise for my rave
29-07-2019 08:32 PM
No need to apologise for writing how you are feeling @Jhaneylena That is what the forum is here for. It is brave of you to connect here and tell us what is going on for you. There are a lot of people here with depression and at some stage most of us have felt the way you are feeling now - so you are not alone.
Do you have a GP you see regularly - and/or other supports (psychologist, psychiatrist, etc,) to help you through this. You don't need to go through this alone so reaching out to those supports may help also.
Very much hearing how hard it is for you right now and that is why reaching out here is a great step to connecting with people that have some understanding of what you are going through and can provide some extra support. Lovely to have you here with us despite what brought you here
29-07-2019 08:40 PM
I have a regular g.p. Stopped seeing my psychiatrist more like psychiatrists because I had a different one each time and I haven’t been able to find a psychologist I can relate to. One of my illnesses is chronic depression. This one feels like such a hard battle and so draining
29-07-2019 08:49 PM
It may be a good time to see your GP again and search for those extra supports @Jhaneylena It certainly seems like you need that and more importantly you deserve that ongoing support. In saying that it is also necessary for us to have continuity of care and trust in our supports - and having a different psychiatrist each time is not ideal. A good psychologist is worth their weight in gold so I hope you find that for yourself too. Having someone to talk to and help you with strategies to deal with how you are feeling can make a difference - just that outlet away from family if they are not as supportive seems like a good idea right now. We get stuck in this mist of darkness and despair and that is not a nice place to be - that I do know. It has been a while since I was in that same place as you but I do know how it feels when there seems no end in sight and all you want to do is sleep. It is not easy and I hear you
29-07-2019 08:54 PM
29-07-2019 09:02 PM
It does feel like that when you are right in the middle of it @Jhaneylena and when you have been battling for so long it really does feel never ending
It would be great if you could find a group or two to join to have that extra support and to be able to talk to some people going through similar things.
I have done DBT as well - many skills I still use now and they do help but I also know they are harder to use when you are really depressed.
I have to head off to get some sleep but I am sure others will be along later. Keep reaching out here - maybe read a few other threads and jump in where you feel comfortable. They are a welcoming and supportive bunch here so you will be welcome on any thread.
Goodluck with it all @Jhaneylena and welcome to the forum
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