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Looking after ourselves

Flying_Hams
Community Guide

The Next Stage of Life

Hi. I'm posting this here as a new thread to come to when I need advice or to share what's going on for me. 

 

There are just about 2 months left of the year. It's 2 months exactly until Christmas Eve. 

 

Last Christmas Eve I said to the two influential people in my life - My parents - that I want things to be different in a year's time. To be better. To be in a better place mentally, physically and emotionally. 

 

Looking back at the past 11 months since that Christmas Eve day I am a bit lost as to what the answer is as to whether or not I have achieved what I set out to do. 

 

There were challenges yes - but I don't know if these were insurmountable or not. 

 

I got a new job (it was a contracted position until this week in fact). I started a new course. Both of these were disapointments. The job was offered to me over the phone and I was in a state of total dismay and needed a new job. I had applied to some things and got interviews but to no avail. Eventually this was offered to me on the spot. Bare in mind that I had a couple of experiences with some recruitment companies that contacted me and they turned out to be quite woeful. I took this job offered to me without any hesitation because it was a chance for me to do 2 things - obtain more experience at a higher payrate and to also leave the hell hole of my old workplace. I was treated like dirt in that place and I needed to leave. Fortunately I had gotten good references from people there. Still do. But this new job was good for exactly 1 month before COVID lockdown kicked in and made so much of the work disappear. It was then just boring sitting about on my work pc and waiting for instructions from a manager who was new to it all as well. I was also the subject of off the cuff remarks about my work efforts and was never properly thanked for the effort I showed - reminded me of my old workplace actually. I have for the past 2 months said that I could not wait until this job was done. I know it means I'll be unemployed but I really did/do not care because it was becoming dull and not stimulating enough. 

 

the degree/course I signed up to was free thank god. If I was to pay for this then I would be screaming my head off. It's been useless and I have learned very little. Due to the university changing their semester structure, they were able to cram more content into impossible timeframes to learn it in and then just gave out marks really easy. I know next to nothing about what it is I should have studied but I simply had no time to learn it all and had no time to process it - the first semester was actually good because I learned stuff after all. Second Semester not so. All beacuse the uni are a bunch of cheap scam artists. 

 

Two major things that should otherwise have been positive influences on me this year - turned out not to be. I guess at some level I know what people felt like last year when covid hit. But then again, this year we have been hit even harder by it. Maybe this was the fate of the universe. I don't know what to make of 2021.

 

I know I still have 2 months left of this year but yesterday it occured to me that I am split. Half of me thinks "thank god I get time to chill out and not have to go to stupid work with a job that bores me and makes me tired and depressed". I would rather just spend time on applying to things and learning more about IT. But then the other half of me says "don't be so stupid, you MUST have A JOB at least to give you something to do or else you are wasting time". NONE of me says "give yourself the rest of the year off to figure out more study and to find a job that you don't hate". Well I was annoyed by this realisation because I learned that I don't seem to be good to myself - I'm either slacking off entirely or I'm being cruel and unusually demanding of myself. 

 

I've been balancing a lot this year and yet it hasn't really given my much. I guess I just feel empty and don't care anymore. 

 

Yesterday and today I had two meetup groups to attend but I decided against going to either - because I hate myself and my situation and I'm bored of pretending things are getting better. It would be too fake for me to sit there and say "hey I'm doing this with my life and things are going well" or whatever. The whole interaction would be fake and I'd just get annoyed. Also too, lockdown is over and yet I feel I haven't seen friends. I don't even know how many friends I have left and some are on the spectrum - making things harder to organise. Some are anti-vax and some are just moving on with their lives (which is what I want to do). 

 

Life is hard these days forumites and I feel both exhausted and depressed. Like I just don't care anymore. 

 

Seeing people meet with success around me has made me even more depressed. I don't want to talk to my friend in the USA because he was just successful with a new job he wanted. I have been stuck in this same process of finding myself and finding a purpose ever since I came back from my stupid trip in 2018. 

 

yeah anyway...

49 REPLIES 49

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Hi @Flying_Hams 

This year has gone pretty fast hasn't it?

Well I think so.

I can relate a lot to what you have posted.

I think many people have felt this year has been a year of non-achievements or setbacks. I think through experiences in life you can say they were shit but if you never did them in the first place how would you know? Any choice you make regarding getting a job or not is not entirely on you is it? I haven't had a job for many years and yet I do feel fulfilled in the study and other things I have been doing. Do you think overall since last year you have improved mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually? Would be interested to know your thoughts The Hams. Take it easy. 

 

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Hey @Flying_Hams 

it's weird when we reflect and what we see 

I never thought I would be unemployed right now and struggle so much 

I never knew I would be admitted to hospital 4 times this year for physical and mental issues 

 

I feel for you. I can't imagine how hard it is for you.  
Sending you hugs my friend xxx. 

I'm sure something perfect will turn up for you very soon 

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Hey @pinklollipop15

You're right to say that about experiences in life and even if they are shit.. at least we know. Sometimes I forget this, but I must say that I think I forget this because I have spent so much time wanting things to be different and at least trying to work towards that aim.... that in the end I forget about this truth of life - that sometimes things just don't work out.

Overall since last year and improvements? Yes in some ways, no in others I guess.

Mentally is always up and down and so I actually do not know the answer to that one my friend.

Physically probably worse - gyms were shut and so there was no incentive to keep fit. Though I did take up cycling and started that. But I haven't been for a ride for some time now. Hoping to get one in this week.

Emotionally is probably the same as mentally. I dunno how to make a difference between those 2 if I am honest. I think I've grown emotionally though. Just by learning so much from awkward, bad and weird situations.

I'm not sure tbh

Re: The Next Stage of Life

thanks @BlueBay
I guess it is what it is hey?

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Hey @Flying_Hams 

I just wanted to give a shout of support 👍

I have no useful advice yet because I'm working out some of the things you're working out too (just finished a course and left a job a couple of months ago) so I'm a bit lost on it all.

I hope you have a good day 🙂

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Thanks @ArtistZ
You're a legend 🙂

Re: The Next Stage of Life

@Flying_Hams 

Awww you too 😃

Re: The Next Stage of Life

cheers @ArtistZ
😄

Re: The Next Stage of Life

Well this morning has been inspiring
I went out to get coffee and took work pc with me - i got no emails or words from my manager - lol. I wasn't expecting any and I don't think they like me. But rather than get depressed about people I didn't enjoy working with, I was inspired because I spent time on an application and I felt myself answering the questions well. So far anyway.

I have to work around some hurdles (there always is with bureacracy and applications that involve money) but in the end it may well be worth it for the result that could come about.

onwards we go I guess - currently waiting on something to drop into my email inbox

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