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Re: 16yo son has suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, identifies with Emo and now he's experimenting drugs

Hi Tuc, 

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine, except my son was only 14 last year when all this started.

I know what you mean when you say your happiness is totally tied up in your son's  - that is normal, but try to take care of yourself as an individual as well. 

I know boys in this situation say they want you out of their lives, and to back off, but they actually really need to know that you care and that you are always there for them. My son had trouble recognising his own feelings and talking about them, so it can help when you really make it clear to them how you feel.

The difficult line to walk is to not make them feel guilty about what they are doing to you, I always acknowledged that it was a very difficult time ( 4 trips to emergency, 2 hospital admissions, and many more) but I would go through it all a million times because he is worth it. 

Don't worry too much about the 'emo' thing. Music is an important thing for teenagers, and can help them get through, even though the style may seem dark and negative, it actually gives them something to relate to. He is experimenting with his identity with the clothes and hair - the normal thing for a kid his age. I actually now dye my son's hair regularly, and the time we spent together last year was often buying clothes or trying new styles. 

The drugs are also a worry, I know - set clear limits when he goes out, where he goes and what time he will get back, and reward him when he sticks to it. Being with friends is really important for his mood, so you don't want to restrict that, but let him know that drugs are a really bad idea, especially for someone suffering mental health issues and on two froms of medication. Don't nag or accuse,as this will drive him away - just state the facts and always let him know why you are concerned. 

Also, plan some family outings or fun things that he can do with you so he enjoys time with you as well as time with his friends. Don't worry to much about school  - my son was not at school most of last year and has gone from enthusiastic acheiver to barely scraping through. The important thing is that he is still here, and he is improving. Let him focus on something that he can be good at, either in school or out. It could be a school subject, or music, or fashion, photography (probably won't be sport). He will get confidence from this one thing and it can help him. 

My son gained weight from the anti psychotics, but the upside of that was I got him a gym membership, and he got into the habit of going 3 times a week.  It was quite a sight, this kid with dyed hair and arms shredded from self harm, listening to his extremely dark playlist on his earphones while walking the treadmill! He is now off the anti psychs, and has lost the weight, so he is less motivated to exercise, but  he goes because he is committed to being healthy both mentally and physically (what I tell when I drive him there and make sure he goes in!). Even getting your son to walk regularly will help, and if there is any vanity in him , it helps that he will look good too and hopefully he will feel less inclined to experiment with drugs if he is looking after his body. 

The girlfriend thing is a worry as well, we have been through that, but girls are usually good at helping boys open up about their feelings, which is a good thing. Try to remain neutral but supportive on the girlfriend subject, and things usually sort hemselves out. 

Tuc, my heart goes out to you entirely, I know those feeling you are having. You are so strong, and you will get through this. Keep communication with your son open, get some counselling for yourself, even if it is just an hour of crying in front of a psychologist (done that!) and though it is hard, try to lighten up and have some fun with him when you can so he feels positive about being with you. 

 

Re: 16yo son has suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, identifies with Emo and now he's experimenting drugs

I'm going through something similar and understand to constant fear and butterflies of not knowing if your only child is ok.
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