Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[caterr]

My son has struggled for a while finding joy in anything. Three months ago he stopped going to work altogether. I got him to go to the Dr who prescribed antidepressants which he stopped taking after three weeks as he said they didn't work. He won't see a psychologist as he doesn't believe anything will help him. He spends all his time in his room on the computer . He believes he is dumb and worthless and I don't know how to help him to help himself. I know he has had suicidal thoughts. Has anyone been thru anything similar and have any advice

[Mandy1]

Hi @caterr
I have a partner who struggles with depression amongst other things and who is also finding no joy right now and stopped going to work convinced she is useless to the world and a burden to me. We have had a supportive psychiatrist for many years now and still we struggle - there are constant ups and downs of varying lengths ... recently we discovered outpatient ‘day programs’ offered at several hospitals that have a range of focuses from cognitive behavioural therapy to addiction to art therapy and many many more topics - my partner found attending a day a week made her realise she was not the only person experiencing severe depression and anxiety and that there are ways to deal with it beyond and including medication ... maybe do some research into such programs near you ? Anyway maybe it’s too early for this I don’t know - just thought I’d mention it - all the best ... x

[caterr]

Thanks Mandy there is a facility near us that offers these programs and I would love him to go but can't see it happet at the moment. Am thinking I might print out the information and give to him and hopefully one day he will be ready.

[Appleblossom]

I have struggled with similar and many other posters on this side of the forum have too.

Encouraging young males to adopt help seeking behaviour is so foreign to all the messages they absorb in the media.

It might take a while to convince him, but persist.

Keep loving him, care for yourself, and educate yourself about services etc in the hope that when he is ready, you can get the most out of them.

Apple

[perseverer]

Hello @caterr, I have an 18 year old son in a similar position. He dropped out of school at the end of year 10 having failed everything, in spite of being highly intelligent. He is autistic and depressed, and has bad OCD and ADHD. He is in denial and refuses to take any medications. I still make psychiatric appointments for him and because the appointment has been made, he will go. Plus, in the absence of him seeking professional guidance, I have tried as hard as I can to be someone he feels he can turn to. And he does like to talk to me. I am only hoping that eventually his psychiatrist can talk him into trying medication and BCT. Trying to keep him motivated is the difficulty. I hope your son is at least thinking of applying for some sort of benefit, because mine even refuses to do that much.

[caterr]

Thanks perseverer maybe I will try making an appointment at a psychiatrist on his behalf, can you do that without his persmission, I know you cant with a pshychologist because I have tried that.  I am backing off for a bit now as he is getting sick of me asking him whether he wants to go back to the dr, pshycologist etc, I will give him a bit of space and then try again.  No I dont think he would apply for a benefit but I dont know what he would be eligible for anyway, he actually has a job he can go back to they are holding for him but he says he wont go back.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have a 22 yo son who fell down earlier this year with anxiety and depression ..... deferred uni etc ......

It is your family doctor who needs to refer your son to mental health services, and they can provide a mental health plan that allows for a certain number of free or low-cost appointments.

Early intervention produces the best results, so try to get him to go as soon as possible ..... without perhaps explaining everything as I have here ...... jmaybe tell him that he might have a vitamin Imbalance and the dr can run tests to determine what he needs to take to help balance out his mood control ? It's a truth. My son was very low in Vit D, which does affect mood dramatically.

It is imperative that you take care of yourself, learn the nature of the illness you are dealing with, and create a support network for you ..... so you do t end up as two patients with no carer ...... it happens.

💐💕

[caterr]

Thanks Faith and Hope I got him to come with me to the Dr two months ago and he did put him on a mental health care plan. My son rang them and was put on a waiting list for a call back a month later and then after that call was told it would be two months before an appt. He tells me over two months later he hasn't heard from them but he also says he doesn't want to go now so he may have just not taken the call. It seems like it us just a waiting game until he seeks help for himself

[Faith-and-Hope]

It can be like that @caterr ...... unfortunately ..... I have a very unwell husband who isn't aware he is unwell ......