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Re: Caring4Corny

Feeling for you @Corny.  My situation is stressful, but yours was much worse .....

 

I am trying to park up the stress and hoping to get out of this without PTSD that way ..... only time will tell I guess.

Re: Caring4Corny

Oh gosh @Faith-and-Hope I really hope that you can get out of this with your health as intact as possible. It's a dreary life living with chronic health problems, it gets you down, and takes so much stamina to keep going. 

 

I watched Insight on SBS the other night, the topic was narcissism and it also touched on NPD. It did depict the whole continuum of narcissism pretty well, but really only the 2nd half is when they talked about it intersecting with abuse and DV. It did quite a good job of showing people's personalities aside from a personality disorder. Maybe you could watch it. 

 

It's a lovely day here in Sydney, I have Dr Kindness this afternoon, I don't really feel like talking about myself today. I hope that you are enjoying your art and that you are well, Corny HeartHeartHeart

Re: Caring4Corny

Thanks so much @Corny ..... ❤️ I will see if I can find it.

 

The going us getting rougher again here at the mo.  Every communication from ex's law team contains slur after slur ..... like trudging waist deep in :pile_of_poo: to try to get anywhere, and efforts to move forward constantly blocked ..... you know the drill ..... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

 

Higs Hon.  I know that feeling of not wanting to talk about me ..... feeling low today, but trying not to think about it and just get on with things.  Go gently into the day.

 

at my Dad's place for a few days as he sees a C specialist ..... not helping my mood, but life goes on.

 

@Zoe7 

Re: Caring4Corny

It makes me so angry that he is doing this to you @Faith-and-Hope but I am so relieved the relationship is over, as painful as it has been, this is the lesser pain. Another 30 or 40 years with him would break your spirit. You've had the heartbreak which is so painful, but once you're spirit is broken, its just on another level of brokenness that can't be fixed. His poodle can have him. 

 

His behaviour isn't surprising when it comes to money. I hope there is some sort of legal mechanism where he is financially penalised for delaying proceedings. 

 

You're nothing like him @Faith-and-Hope , if you were you'd be trapped in a tennis match of t*t-for-tat revenge of getting even, but you haven't. Aside from the heartbreak you're also really different people when it comes to your nature. The poodle can have him. HeartHeartHeart

Re: Caring4Corny

Thanks @Corny .....

It will get worse the more he feels he is losing ground, but there will also be an end to this phase somewhere .....  

Youre right, of course, once the mask has dropped there is no putting it back on, so there would have been no staying with him after that anyway, but the poodle has done me a favour.  He needed someone to monkey-branch himself to, and she was ready-willing-and-able it ...... but other things she has done have shown her up to be as bad as he is, so I am hard pressed to feel sorry for her, or wish them well in any way.  Anyone who can behave vindictively towards my D2 is missing a chip as far as I am concerned.

If we had just drifted apart I would have been happy for them, because my thought has always been that everyone deserved antithetical chance, and if we were over, why shouldn't he find happiness with someone else ?  But this level of vindictiveness and betrayal designed to be as damaging as possible is at another level.

Re: Caring4Corny

I agree @Faith-and-Hope he will get worse. Worse with you and after the settlement is over, worse with age, my father just got worse and worse. If his poodle has a similar personality they will be a very unpleasant couple to be around, friends may fall away, even family could distance themselves for their own sanity. 

 

My psychologist says to me, in her clinical experience that it is only the minority of people that don't monkey branch from relationship to relationship or fling to casual fling in some way or other. I think that it isn't just a fear of being alone thing, but also very much an ego thing. They have to appear to have come out on top, and can't show any vulnerability after being dumped. 

 

Situations like you are living through right now with your exhusband @Faith-and-Hope makes you wonder if we can ever truly know another person. Some people are so incapable of change, and yet others do these scary flips that leave their family and friends bewildered. From what you've described the success of your business may have gone to your ex's head, and brought to the fore personality traits that have always been there. I guess when you come from poverty, having status anxiety would be normal, but then the drastic change of lifestyle and social status seems to uncovered other sides of him. His abusive side explains his hatred towards you and his vindictiveness. He doesn't even seem concerned for your well being, it doesn't come across that he has any worry about how much he has hurt you. I think it is also very telling of his nature and character that he chooses to be in a relationship with a women that treats a vulnerable person with a disability, not just anyone, but his partner's daughter with vindictiveness! If I was him I would have thrown her to the curb at the slightest sign of that temperament.......says a lot about him, as if he too, sees his daughter as less than.

 

If the relationship had come to its natural end and there just wasn't that connection and spark anymore I guess you would wish him well and could possibly still be friends. But I can't see there being any chance of being friends, it would feel so forced, fake and given his behaviour yuck. It's a part of life, that not everything can be fixed, and sometimes the end is just the end and that chapter is closed for good. 

 

You've been looking after your Dad a lot @Faith-and-Hope is he frail and not in good health? Did your Mum and Dad have a loving relationship? It warms my heart so deeply to see my generation successfully changing the cycle of dysfunction and abuse, my sibs in a very happy marriage, been together since I was 15 years old, and my niece and nephew have never heard raised voices. Frustrated voices after a long day in the office and a Sydney commute, but never any yelling. I hope your Dad's OK and doesn't have much cognitive decline and still knows his daughter,. I think I am going to start my Christmas shopping,  Corny HeartHeartHeart

 

Re: Caring4Corny

❤️ @Corny 

Re: Caring4Corny

❤️ @Corny ..... how are you doing ?

Re: Caring4Corny

Hello @Faith-and-Hope how are you going with everything?.......time has gotten away from me and you would be right back into Term 3 or Semester 2.......it's all bit of a haze to be honest the last 3 months. My sibs and I have been lacking a lot of motivation.....none of us are felling social, we can still laugh, but cry very easily as well. We are trying to organise a memorial for Mum in December. It has increased my anxiety because I have catapulted back into the whole extended family after a 2 and a half year separation to save myself......Just trying to take it day-by-day, I have no capacity to mutli-task, my wheels come off very easily.

 

Dare I ask how it is going with your ex-husband and finalising the divorce? I look at the calendar and hope for a resolution for you this year, but I know that January is a write off in Australia, a lot closes down......there really is no end to their menace and destruction is there Faith, they have no shame, we recently found out that we have at the very least 3 half siblings from his affairs....at least 3. Until you've lived it, its hard to explain it to others. I never want to meet them. They are the lucky ones if you ask me, I just want to erase him from my life entirely and live my own life, I won't let him control & influence me from the grave .....Corny Heart

Re: Caring4Corny

Hugs and hugs @Corny ...... so hard to break "no contact" and have to deal with extended family again.  Hold tight to that resolve to not let him control you / influence you from beyond the grave.

 

Continuing divorce junk is the never-ending story ....... hotting up again at the moment, right on time to impact my final submissions ..... but I have awesome tutors and supports through uni and will / am getting through.

 

He is back to smearing me through the legal docs ...... but that just shows how vulnerable he is feeling when he needs to resort to that :pile_of_poo: to try to throw everyone off their game.  His lies and deceptions will eventually catch up with him.

 

There are no half-sibs for our Cubs that I am aware of.  Until he needed to monkey-branch I believe he remained faithful in that regard - his dependency was steeped in the apron-strings rather than other women per se, and he had one of my SIL's running after him with her tongue out like a puppy, which I think she is still doing ...... chasing the stick and begging for his attention ..... but that's her problem not mine.  Just have to remember that she is a flying monkey and will throw anyone "under the bus" to achieve cred with him ..... despite the fact that he would do the same to her without hesitation.  Everyone is an appliance to them, and the ones that don't serve, don't supply, get ditched or abused, or both.

 

My artwork is going well and I am thriving on it ❣️

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