Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone

I am new here.  Six years ago my life changed.  I remembered i was sexually abused as a child by 3 different guys.  This happened over 40 years ago.  After telling my parents they abandoned me and haven't spoken to me since.  I am struggling with depression, anxiety, ptsd, BPD and intimacy issues with my husband. Currently seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist.  It's my dad's birthday tomorrow and I am struggling today with lots of emotions.

[Appleblossom]

Welcome to the forums @BlueBay

it is hard enough to deal with sexual abuse as a child without the added trauma of rejection be those who are supposed to protect and nurture.  I hope you find some support here.

[BlueBay]

Thanks Appleblossom.
I am struggling a lot at the moment. I can't comprehend how any parent can turn their backs against their daughter.
I am currently doing DBT therapy with my therapist and also in group which is helping with my BPD.
Hope you are doing ok.

[Sky]

Hi @BlueBay,

Welcome to the Forum 🙂 

I can hear your sadness, anger and frustration about how you were treated when you were little. I'm glad to see that you're seeking help and start to use this forum.

There are a lot of posts here where people share their strategies on how to cope different feelings and emotions  generated from their past. For example, type in `BPD' in the search bar and it'll come up with a lot of posts that you can read as a starting point. 

Many people share their experience that is hard to face but able to find and try new ways to manage their thoughts and emotions by hearing from others who have simliar stories. I hope you'll find information here helpful but I'm sure you'll see many supportive people here.

Take care, Sky

P.S. Thank you @Appleblossom for being supportive to new members 🙂 

[stairhead]

Hi sadgirl
I too can sympathise and know what you are going through .. i too eas sexually abused as a child and also grew up with a very abusive father . My parents didnt talk to me for 3 years because i came out and told .. Have had lots and lots of counselling that has really helped . I too have been diagnosed with PTS and bipolar so it is really the bipolar that is bothering me .. The agitation of just been diagnosed ..the agitation of new medication the feeling of not being able to cope with diagnosis. . But reading your notes that you have written is making me want to keep in conversation with you as we have a very similar story .... keep your chin up sweet by the way can you message people privately on here or just notice board .

Cheers Stairhead

[BlueBay]

Hi @stairhead

I have had therapy with psychs and pyschologists for the past 6 years when all the memories came out.  It was the biggest shock of my life for these memories to come out. I sometimes wish now that these memories never ever came back to me.

My mum is a controlling manipulative person where as my dad is a soft caring person but he does what my mum says. She controls him; in fact she 'controlled' me up until 6 years ago even while I was married.  I was always guided in my life by her and what she liked or said. She virtually controlled my life.

this is why now i am struggling.  I have been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and I am sure this is a result from the abusive and controlling mum i had.

I just hate it so much; the abuse, the depression, anxiety, BPD. Even going through therapy is emotionally draining. I always come home totally exhausted and want to hibernate where i see or talk to no one. Maybe this is my coping mechanism, i don't know.

Some days i just want to curl up in a corner and die. I don't want to see anything or anyone. I just want to be on my own.

Life is so damn hard.