Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  I hope you got some sleep 

today has been very intense it was busy and I feel very weird now after all of it. I didn’t sleep much at all only about 2 hours. I am really unsure what to do I am trying to keep managing until I see my psychiatrist but I will have had to wait a month since I got out of hospital to see them and that is really difficult. I am also still really stressed out about the device in me and it is making me scared a lot and I just feel really weird today and I feel like I am being set up to fail like they want me to end up back in hospital and I mean they do they aren’t even people of course I am like it makes sense but it is still hard and I just I don’t know what to do anymore they keep putting things in my head to scare me and I just want the device out but that was the point to torture me until I give in I want to scream but that will just give them another thing they want.i am tired and I am agitated. 

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  Hey Eden1919 sweetheart are you looking after yourself in terms of eating and self care? Are you eating good foods with vitamins etc? can you spoil yourself with  baths with essential oils etc? anything that will distract you from what is going on for you at this present time. You must look after your mind and body when so much is happening to you. Love peaxx

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  Honestly I am struggling to look after myself I am having a lot of issues with my eating and it is getting really really bad and I am struggling to do self care tasks I don’t know why I want to do them but it is just like I can’t get my head around doing them like I will try and start and I can’t finish it or it takes me hours to start doing something and it is just really hard. I am trying to distract myself with playing games and stuff but it is hard and I just feel really strange like really really weird and I don’t know how to explain it. And I am trying so hard I just want to be able to finish uni but I feel like I keep falling into holes and tripping constantly and I can’t stop and I don’t even know what to do. It is all just a big huge mess. 

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  concentrate on one thing at a time sweety. Eating healthy is so important when you are feeling unwell. Healthy food and eating. Then move onto things like showering etc. Good nights sleep is super important we both know that. You must take care of you. Uni can wait. Look aft5er Eden1919 first. xxx

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  I am heading out for my walk in a min. Take care of yourself and above all be kind to yourself Eden1919. Will be on later today if you want to talk some more. Love you., peaxx

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  I am trying but like I don’t even know why but I just can’t like I will sit and tell myself ok time to go and have a shower and I sit like that trying to get myself to do the task for 4-5 hours and it isn’t and energy thing it isn’t a motivation thing I want to go shower but I just can’t get my head to connect to my body like that whole process is too much and I can’t get my head to organize itself enough to start and when I do start it takes me hours to get it done because I have to keep stopping because I can’t do it and I don’t know why. The food is too hard right now I can’t have that fight right now. I am not currently doing this uni semester so it isn’t a right now thing, I am just really struggling with everything and I don’t know how to make it bearable.   

[Former-Member]

Hi @Eden1919 , I'm sorry I didn't reply when you last tagged me, I  thought I'd give you some space.

I hope you're ok and you're safe, you don't need to reply or even press the support button, I just wanted to let you know I care and I'm thinking of you.

[BPDSurvivor]

You are doing the best you can. 

Set yourself small goals. If a shower seems to big a task, you could break it up into smaller achieveable steps such as getting your clothes ready, or warming up the bathroom.

Take care of yourself. You don't need to be hard on yourself.

Thinking and caring,

BPDSurvivor