Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hearing you @Former-Member ...... it was always going to be a hard year, as mine was too, but we are nearly at the end of it ......

Let’s see what the next one brings.

💜🌷

[outlander]

@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-things-about-grief/

https://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-grief-64-more-things/

[Shaz51]

hugs @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Dads family Case Conference was cancelled due to “a lack of interest” and “concerns” expressed by my toxic lazy siblings. However, i requested the time be kept open for me. The dr didn’t attend but I did speak with Deputy Director of Care. Told her all the concerns I have for dad and the level of care. She told me Bro2 said “public guardian was appointed because I wasn’t caring for dad properly” :(. I’m crushed by his constant defamation, and don’t know where to begin in proving him wrong. It does account for a lot

[outlander]

oh @Former-Member hugs and hugs
you are one of the best carers i know, your family just doesnt seem to get it. its easy for them to say your a bad carer yet when you ask for help from them they run for the hills instead of saying yes.

[Former-Member]

thanks Outlander, I’ve decided not to attend to dads lawn now he’s not home, as a statement to the world how slack my three brothers are, they haven’t helped with his he garden all year, and only live < 10min drive away. They didn’t do it for mum either. I’m planning on leaving here in 2-3wks, travel a long way away, & not think of this house ever again. Let public guardian try get them to do something for a change - see what I’ve had to put up with LOL grr! Should see the lawn - patchy foot high yellow flowers everywhere, I’m too tired to care about keeping up appearances

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good on you @Former-Member ..... let them work out the lies they have been told, and leave them to deal with your siblings ..... it won't take long for them to work out just how much you were doing, how much you were unsupported, and how unsupporting and oppositional those siblings will be for them going forward.  It's not like they are going to suddenly change and be co-operative and understanding.  It will be clear in hindsight what was really going on.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, I’m not convinced the Public Guardian & Public Trustee have the resources to find out the truth. And there’s no accountability anywhere (accept with me apparently). I’ve worked hard at covering my bases. Was gonna dump all dads files at bro2’s before going, but then I realised he could fudge them to make me look bad. Do think i’ll Mail it all to public guardian. Part of me wants to stay for dad, even though he introduces me as his wife half the time (dementia), he feels safe with me. Bro4 says he asks for me with him all the time. Saw psychologist yesterday- she ignores my hints to SI but does want me to BE SELFISH & look after me. I don’t know how to do that - find worth outside of capacity to give. But I’m trying. Should I take the dogs?

[Former-Member]

Did I tell you I found out the Carers Allowance can go for x63 days after someone goes into care. That time has expired or me. Not that I need it.
Last night visiting dad, he wanted to go to bed early, I helped him with shoes & pj top but with his new hip protectors and incontinence pads... I don’t know if he goes to bed in them, couldn’t find a towel or fresh incontinent pads... felt so useless compared to caring for him at home. He didn’t want to go to toot first “because you’re here” he said... 😞
I had to get the nurse which made me feel so important. He has a new routine now. Leaving he asked me to come back first thing in the morning.
I don’t know anything anymore... what to do
Maybe I Should have stayed in Qld, and kept my broken down house, to take the dogs back to.