Lived Experience Forum

[dontrainonme]

Hey Guys!

I have begin to recognize that my whole life i have been taught that feeling negative feelings or thoughts is bad and needs to be avoided at all costs. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and have realised i struggle with emotional disregulation. Since i was a kid i have been called dramatic, overly sensitive, emotional etc. because i struggled to hide when i felt such overwhelming emotions. That beleif that when i have feelings i'm dramatic, has manifested in me invalidating my own emotions, fearing sharing my feelings and thoughts, feeling like a burden because i have emotions and more. 

I know i am not the only one who has experienced this as i have begun to realise just how common emotional dismissal is in our society. I was wondering if anyone has any advice or thoughts about this? Even if it is to feel just a bit less alone. Sending love.

[Former-Member]

Hi there,

I have a pretty complicated family situation (no dad, no contact with my mom and the rest are almost too supportive haha) but I have dealt with exactly the same thing (being called dramatic, hyper-emotional etc) from an ex or significant people in my life - and I was also diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.

Just my experience is that it's in hindsight been because the people themselves were clearly not comfortable with their own emotions (my ex literally told me once he "didn't do feeling') and they were projecting that...not to say I express my emotions in a healthy way, I also tend to go extremely quiet, which lends itself to interpretation or insecurities if people think it's me "turning the cold shoulder" to something they've done wrong.

Anyways, can definetly relate, so you're not alone : )

[Former-Member]

Not a tip, haven't tried it but maybe try turning it around?

So if they say you're being too dramatic you could go "is the way I'm reacting making you feel like you've done something wrong?"

It's shifting the focus from you, worst case scenario it might at least make them stop calling you names cos they'll probably want to get out of the conversation real swift haha (if they're not that emotionally competent).

If it's a super bad scenario though, I couldn't tell from your post, honestly I cannot and don't have a relationship with my mom - not for that reason but if it's truly toxic sometimes you have to cut your losses and love them from a distance, or not at all even.

[Jynx]

Hey @dontrainonme!

I've also been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Emotional dysregulation is definitely a struggle, especially in a society that asks us to just "get over it". I found this awesome website that talks about ADHD in a different way (more based on our experiences, rather than how others observe us), splitting it into the "Three Pillars of ADHD". Emotional hyperarousal is the second pillar and you can read about it here.

Good on you for reaching out, and I hope this helps 

[BPDSurvivor]

Wow @dontrainonme , when I first began reading your initial post, I thought you were talking about me! Besides the ADHD, as a person diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder), I also have issues with emotional regulation. My 'bad' feelings/thoughts had to be suppressed or gotten rid of. This was a constant battle and I ended up thinking I was inherently 'faulty' because I struggled so much to get these thoughts away.

It had taken a lot of time and effort working on sitting with the unpleasant feelings, getting to know these feelings better, and understand why they exist.

 Another important work is learning to reconceptualise 'bad' thoughts/'bad' feelings. I am learning that thoughts and feelings are not 'bad'. They are neutral and do not carry a 'bad' value. It is what we do with these thoughts/feelings that can end up being bad. I hope this makes sense.

 Anyway, nice being able to read and respond to your post. Looking forward to another!

BPDSurvivor

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @dontrainonme ! 

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@dontrainonme wrote:

Since i was a kid i have been called dramatic, overly sensitive, emotional etc. 

...

I know i am not the only one who has experienced this as i have begun to realise just how common emotional dismissal is in our society. I was wondering if anyone has any advice or thoughts about this? 

---

I had a couple of thoughts...Dr Jonice Webb is a psychologist in the US who specialises in Childhood Emotional Neglect, and its lasting effects into adulthood. She sends out free emails full of helpful information. I've found them very useful, if you're interested. 

Also, have you heard of a thing called HSP, the Highly Sensitive Person? You can google it, Dr Elaine Aron is the one who named it, and there is also this thread: Being a Highly Sensitive Person and Mental Health . 

I hope these are helpful. 

[dontrainonme]

I feel like if i share those kinds of thoughts is may only perpetuate them viewing me as dramatic if that makes sense?

[dontrainonme]

ahhhh thank you so much for these resources i will definantly check them out!! x

[dontrainonme]

Oh my gosh viewing emotions as neautral is such a good concept wth! thank you for that tip. 

[dontrainonme]

I am super interested! how can i recieve these emails? Also thank you for that article i will give it a read xx