Lived Experience Forum

[lozsyar]

I am a 25 year old female and currently suffering with PTSD (to some extend) Anxiety and occasionally panic attacks.

On Saturday the 20/01/2018 I lost my mother very suddenly and tragically.

My mother had come down from Echuca to visit and consequently when I got home from work that day I found her dead.
When I opened the door my life had ended and a big part of me was taken with her that day.

The first 4 weeks were the most traumatic time I have ever been through. I had flashbacks every single day and still often do now.
I was scared to close my eyes, open doors, being in the dark, looking in the mirror, sleeping alone, being startled by loud noises. You name it!
These are enormous steps for me to take every.. single.. day. And it is so incredible hard.

I felt like I was going crazy at one point and that I had to admit myself into a mental institute.

I am trying my very best to get better. I have made a huge progress since January and I will continue to get better every day as “time heals all wounds”.
The flashbacks have subsided, and I am now comfortable to be on my own and sleep alone. I never thought I would’ve been able to do that 2 months ago.

I have lost the person who gave me life. The strong, independent woman who made me the person I am today and taught me everything. But I will not let this bring me down and take control of me. I will grow from this and be the best person I can be.

I am still struggling but i am focusing on my better days. I wish to add that i have more better days than bad!

Has anyone have any ideas of what has helped them deal with trauma? I need help and trying to tackle this now before it gets worse.

Or know of any support groups in Melbourne or just someone i can speak to who has experienced a similar situation to me as currently i feel very alone.

My sister has also lost her mother but no-body knows how i am feeling from finding her.

Thank you for reading guys

[Former-Member]

Hi and welcome to the forums @lozsyar
I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's passing and the events around it happening. I can understand how hard the symptoms of ptsd as I also have this. I'm so glad to hear that things are starting to ease a little and you can see that you are recovering. Take care of yourself gently.

[lozsyar]

Thank you Lisajane

[CheerBear]

Hi @lozsyar. It's nice to 'meet' you

I can't begin to imagine how horrible that would have been for you. I'm so sorry to hear you have been through what you have. 

I was thinking only this morning, about how much of an appreciation I now have for how huge the 'little' things really are to those of us who live with big challenges. That you are able to recognise the progress you're making while working through things, is awesome to hear. 

It sounds like you're doing heaps of positive things already. What can and does help me is to share with understanding others, the good and the not so good of it all. The forum is great for that I think. You can search for topics like PTSD and grief through the search bar. There are also threads like Daily positives and The highlight of your day thread that can be nice places for sharing and celebrating the positives if you'd like to. Being here helps when I'm feeling alone with things. We're not alone here. 

I've found it helpful to access professional support also. At the moment I have a psychologist who I see with a mental health care plan, an understanding GP I can talk to, and a mental health outreach worker. Do you have anyone like this that you might feel comfortable talking with? We don't share specific information about support groups here as it may identify us, but a GP might be able to point you in the right direction there too. 

I hope you find your time on the forum helpful. If you'd like to reply to anyone you can put the @ symbol in front of their name if you'd like and it will tag them. 

[utopia]

@lozsyar. I'm very sorry for your loss.
It sounds like you have been working hard to come to terms with and deal with your grief. It does take time. And it will always be there, just a little less sharp, a little less painful.
I had a bad time with PTSD & found a psychologist who specialised in EMDR Therapy (eye movement descensitisation reprogrammimg). Rediculous name. But it worked for me.
In Australia the UK & the US - it is the number one recommended treatment for PTSD. It seems to work best, the sooner you are able to seek treatment after a trauma.
So you may like to look it up and do some research to see if it might ne suitable for you.

[lozsyar]

@CheerBear Thank you for replying to my post.

I currently see a psychologist but thinking i may need to look at other forms of help.

That "highlight of your day" sounds like a good topic, i will look in to that.

Thank you 

[lozsyar]

@utopia Thank you for mentioning that EMDR Therapy. I have not heard of that but i will look into it now and do some research. I am trying to do everything i can to help me get better.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me it means alot.

[utopia]

Anytime @lozsyar.
This forum - we all try ro help where we can.
You really are doing some amazing work to heal yourself. Keep going and never give up.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @lozsyar.

Checking in to see how you’re doing ....

I lost my Mum when I was 37 years old, and was with her when she passed ..... I spent the next year “running” inside myself ..... staying very busy with whatever I could stay busy with ..... reading till 3-4am ..... getting up again at 6-7am and charging through the day.  That was my grief response, and it lasted about a year.  

I also wore black clothing for that length of time.  I didn’t know how I would feel about that, but at the time it was a comfort, like wrapping myself in an invisibility cloak .... something to tell the rest of the world that I didn’t want to interact, didn’t want to be disturbed in this grief cycle.

It took several years before I could get through a day without thinking about her, for all the reasons you gave, and I missed her so much, but I also know I carry her forward with me, and I have been able to share some of her wisdom and insights with others here on the forums, making a difference to their lives as well.  She was one special woman ❣️

Although I didn’t use them myself (I was actually based overseas at the time, which enabled me to be by my mother’s side for her last two months in a way I wouldn’t have been able to if we had been here, and I returned overseas almost immediately afterwards) ..... here is an online grief counselling service - 

https://griefline.org.au/

If you Google “grief counselling Melbourne” many other counsellors are available, and your gp can authorise a plan for rebated visits.

Keep swimming @lozsyar .... the pain lessens with time .... stay busy cos it helps to distract yourself.  

Hugs 💐💕

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @lozsyar.  How are you getting on ? 

Were you able to speak with counselling support ?

Thinking of you.