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Casual Contributor

I am now my mothers parent.....

Hey guys,


My name is Jes and i am 31. For the past 3 years my mother (63) has been living with my wife and i. We have a nice Granny flat at the back of our house for her own space and life. 

She has been living with us since she had a break down and been diagonsed with Depression, SocialPhobia and Paranoia. We had her seeing a specialist on medication and in therapy but only lasted a year or so into it. But now things are taking a bit of a turn and im not sure really which way to go.


over the course of the last 2 years she would have "episodes" days where she was convinced someone was making her ears ring to the TV sending secret messages, work colleagues conspiring against her, body parts feeling strange, running out of work in tears to connecting things and evidence of stories that some how made sense to her to justify her actions. 

She has been to the police multiple times to complain or investigate if anyone is out there with an app playing with peoples lives via there iphones.

Sereve paranoia of family members, someones playing games, flashing lights, and the worst of all that actually scared me are the voices in her head. the ones that tell her someones coming to "remove" her. 

its frightening. and the illness has gone beyond depression and paranoia. 

She is now retired and volunteering 2 days a week. Most days she is fine no issues pottering around the garden caring for our dogs, trips to sydney and melbourne with no issues. 

She refueses to see doctors or specialists. Wont take medication because she believes that somone is doing it to her so therefore medication is pointless. Has had thoughts of driving away travelling to escape this feeling. 

I am out of answers i have tried being firm but we go in circles. i have cried and begged to no result. she has estranged her brother and his family and put strains on my marrage and inlaws. to the point where i dont want to bring her to family events because anything could happen.

i am out of options and not sure what the next step is. We are moving areas in 12 months and my wife and i are happy to take her with us but not if she wont better herself ? but im afraid she wont and she will go off on her own and crash and burn.

i have now found myself worried and concerend like a parent of my mother.

would love some insight. 







Re: I am now my mothers parent.....



Im Baboo, a moderator here on the forum-


Id like to say first how wonderful it is that your taking care of your mother- What a big job this must be- i can relate on your frustrations on caring for a family member whom does not think they need assistance.


I went to their GP to ask what on earth i could do to intervene, the doctor of course said they couldnt discuss any thing with me unless i had permission or if i was aloud to attend sessions with them. I knew this would never be the case. So i rang Life line aswell ( 13 11 14 ) to get a different opinion- Life line suggested discussing this with other family members to make a plan- sister, brother, Aunt or Uncle- ask if they will come together to help approach this person and tell them " you need more help than what your getting- we love you and your very unwell".


This was just the beginning for my situation any how.


Could you get support from other family members? Can you talk to your mother on one of her good days about how you feel?






Re: I am now my mothers parent.....

Hi Baboo,

thank you for the email and your advice.  Most of the time she is okay its just her episodes that make reality coming crashing down i guess its easier for me to pretend everything is alright until that happens. 
I have made an appointment with her current GP to get some advice but the receptionist made me aware that the doctor cannot discuss patient confidentiality which is fine I'm after more advice then anything. 
The medical centre staff was very understanding and the lady who took my call had been in a similar situation with her mother and was glad to help. 
Our family is very small and everyone is aware that she is not well and they want to help but unsure. My uncle ( mums brother) is the closest other family she has apart from myself but there is a lot of distrust and paranoia towards him from her. He calls to take her out on dog walks etc but she doesn't answer or calls back. 
I keep him up to date on everything and he helps support me along with my wife. 
I have talked with her on her good days about what is happening but she is still adamant that someone else is doing it too her. She is unwilling to admit she needs help or medication and we talk in circles she shuts down and i get frustrated. 
I use to think i was the only one she would listen to but i don't think that is even having an effect these days. Was thinking of an intervention with all our family but in those situations she shuts down and tries to remove herself or leaving. 
So i guess thats why i posted on sane forums to get support or knowledge on how to help her move forward.
thank you for touching base.

Re: I am now my mothers parent.....

Can you convince her to go with you to see a Neuropsychiatrist?
There are numerous other things that can cause paranoia type symptoms,especially at your mums age,but unfortunately many doctors will always think it's the emergence of Schizophrenia or Depression so you may need to "push" for them to do tests.
Alzheimers and Frontal Lobe Dementia can also cause these symptoms and a Neuropsychiatrist should (hopefully) do MRI and Brain PET testing and perhaps organise Neuropsychological testing.
Has your mother developed any other symptoms Eg:changes in walking style,vision or hearing changes,clumsy hand movements,changes in weight etc?
Does she have a good nutrient filled diet?

Re: I am now my mothers parent.....

Also,has she seen an Opthamologist to check out her eyes and the "flashing lights" symptoms?
Not to alarm you but symptoms similar to your mothers can also be caused by brain tumors also so please push for an MRI?

Re: I am now my mothers parent.....



thank you for your input its always good to hear new information about possible causes / effects. i have tried to push for MRI to try eliminate things. i did have a gut feeling it could be a tumor ( god forbid) but just had a feeling.


i am meeting with her doctor tomorrow to try and get some advice even tho im aware she cant talk about patient confidentiality. 


She is booked in to have a cataract removed in the next few months. Her diet is not the best but she is no obese or super skinny nor does she smoke or drink excess alcohol. i would say her diet is basic.

i truly appreciate all feedback.



Re: I am now my mothers parent.....

Wishing you all the best with the appointment tomorrow.

The reason why i mentioned diet too was because (you might already know) certain vitamin deficiencies can also cause psychosis type symptoms and particularly in the elderly.

If the MRI doesnt show anything,further tests worth getting (if your doctor will do them) include b12 levels,b1,b2,b3,vitamin D,Methylmalonic Acid,folate,homocysteine.


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