Lived Experience Forum

[Kayli]

I'm 40, a few years ago I thought I could write a book on depression because I was in such a good place. Medicated but coping and dealing with life. Now I've slipped back. Don't get me wrong, Im happy, or at least I should be. I have an amazing partner, I don't have to work. I'm comfortable, and ok physically, except my weight. And I just keep thinking wtf is wrong with me... Why can't I just be happy. I want to, and I try so hard. But then I push people away and don't be honest about how I'm feeling. But honestly, why would you drag the people you love down with you. I hate myself for being this way and I try so hard to keep it under the surface. There's no cure, there's no fix, you just have to learn how to deal with it, and work your life around it. I just want to be like a sane person, not questioning the validity of my thoughts and feelings all the time. And not having to explain my craziness and why I do the things I do. I'm just tired. 

[Gazza75]

Hi @Kayli ,

Think I can relate to some of what you are saying.  Thanks for sharing what you are going through.  I am a bit older than you and have struggled a lot with my weight in the passed 18 months.  I've come to accept the fact that I might never shake it off, but, also that trying to have an active lifestyle and regular exercise does make a difference to my well being.

I feel almost constantly tired now.  I'm hoping some time off over xmas will help, but, not sure that it will.  I have found it diffucult to let go of passed trauma, but, I have made some progress with it recently.  My mind keeps turning over passed events.

What things make you happy?  Do you have any hobbies?  

One quick tip here, if you press the @ and then pick the name or start to type it, the person should get a notification like I did with you up above.

Have a good day and take care.

[nashy]

Hey @Kayli  thanks so much for posting. I really appreciate the realness and honesty about your recovery journey, very relatable to many. I am sorry you're feeling this pain, I know it must get really tiresome. However, there's strength even in this pain. You can and will get to a point where you feel whole with it all I really do believe this is possible for anyone. In a sense, learning how to deal with it - a level of acceptance around it, is a turning point for many of our members living with mental health challenges. Have you managed to connect with a counsellor or support group out of interest? This community is also a really good sounding board, I hope you know you're not alone and there's a shift coming for you - don't give up the fight 🙂 We're all backing you here at SANE.