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Jak33
Casual Contributor

In my 40s feeling no hope

Hi, I found this forum during my extensive search for help for people with MI in my situation. I am in my 40's with BPD, PTSD, ADHD and MD. I had a well paying job in the Public service then took a redundancy and started my own business. Crashed and burned last year and although I have excellent Drs and visit a support group, I do not have the support that I need from my family or friends...just you'll be right, it'll be ok etc. My diagnosis was made over 20 years ago and I managed to keep it/them secret from my workplace for 7 years due to fear of stigma. I have two grown kids who have left home and it's just me and my pets.They have only just realised how dire my situation is but don't know how to help. My Drs agree that my medication is no longer working. I have gone from being highly motivated with a generous savings account, pretty social and big ideas to facing bankruptcy and homelessness with absolutely no motivation for life at all anymore. I have been both physically and mentally unwell for 9 months now without anyone helping so I'm pretty well just withering away and very soon will have nowhere to live. I have applied for govt help and they have proved to be extremely difficult and I don't have much energy at all to keep chasing help. This is where I saw myself at the end of my life perhaps in my 70s so i feel like it's all over already. Has anybody here hit their lowest point in their 40s and managed to positively pull through?? As I said I feel as though I am at the end of my road.

12 REPLIES 12

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Hello @Jak33

My lowest point was around the turning 40 mark. I had to work hard on physical rehab to improve my back and neck and maintain a household for my son.  My emotions had been in a dreadful state.

In an age where most people are living longer, it makes sense to try and manage some quality of life based on your own values ... you dont really have to support anyone but yourself .. but make that a priority.  we often feel good if we find meaning in doing things for others, but we also need to own our own needs and meet them too.  Otherwise we get into a slippery slope of denial and then our self interest becomes a shadowy side.

You can turn your life around. You just have to find reasons and a lifestyle that make sense to you.

Good Luck Apple

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

@Jak33, hi, sorry you're going through such an all consuming difficult time, where everything you had seems lost. Is it possible you feel at the end of your life because you just can't see your next steps? J.K. Rowling wrote "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life" She went on to become rich & famous (Harry Potter), but for us, finding peace in our own skin, a roof over our head & food - these become the cornerstones for rebuilding my lice.

I do hope th7wy continue meds through winter.Spring will make rhin6gs easier.

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Hi Jak33. people who tell you to 'snap out of it', or 'rise above it' mean well, but their words hit like concrete. It's really hard to keep fighting the fight, you start wondering if it really is worth it. The stigma you mentioned is unfortunately due to people who simply don't know how to help and they don't want to 'get involved'. I could suggest volunteer work, but having no knowledge of your physical health or strength, I don't wish to hurt or anger you. Do you have any hobbies or interests that could stimulate you. Something for relaxation that you did before you became so 'down'? Do you listen to music, watch t.v? Maybe write down your innermost thought, fears. Maybe try phoning lifeline just to talk to someone.

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Hi @Appleblossom @pip and @Former-MemberThanks so much for your replies.The physical fatigue has definitely improved even though I still sleep too much. I burnt myself out with my business and outside of business there were so many stressful events and it all hit me at once.

I have been been on medications and had managed to stay sane for almost 20 years but my best medication, keeping very busy, was not possible due to physical fatigue with a virus thrown in the mix too. Being left with just my mind, everything that I had bandaided with the busy-ness for most of my life came to the surface. Felt like Hell on earth and I just wanted out for months. I was praying that I would die. I swore to my children that I wouldn't take my life but felt it was the end for me and cried each day I woke up because I was still alive. I lost almost 2 stone and was warned by my Drs that I was heading for anorexia.

It was when my daughter announced her marriage that I found a strength to try and get up and on with it. As difficult as it was, I even made her wedding cake and took a few nice photos on the day. That was in May and it was a very happy day. The next day I was floored again but have since been trying my very best to get up and get motivated. Even though I have always been very creative, the joy and sense of achievement  it used to bring me has fizzled. I earned a living from my creativity. I have a friend I walk with once a week now but other days unless I have to get up I stay in bed til the afternoon. I know how exercise bumps up the endorphins but like everything, it's such a big effort.

Last week I had a whole new medication change after ECT was discussed. So so soo hope it gives me the spark I need to start to want to get up, get on with it and live again. I really am trying...that's why I'm here on this page. I'm searching for all the help and support possible because I am at rock bottom.

Thanks for all your kind and supportive words and I am going to Google the Harry Potters' author story now...

Jak ❤️ xx

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Hi @Jak33

 

I have read though this thread and agree with @pip @Former-Member @Appleblossom

 

I guess all of us have been there and down that - and for me - really over the hill -

 

My worst birthday was when I hit 30 - we had sold the house and if there is anything I hate it is packing to move - and I had two very small children and a bad cold. It was a beautiful day and I felt seriously down - I really didn't know if I was depressed then but I think I had Post Partum Depression

 

Into my thirties life had no meaning for me - I was spending all day looking after three other people and with two little kids there was no time for myself - my first child was disturbed - very high mainenance - and life looked bleak

 

People who haven't been there don't know what it's like and I am reminded of a saying

 

And old man was sitting on a curb looking lost - his life seemed to be in tatters - and someone came up to him and said "Mate - you just have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" - the old man looked up and said - "Yes - I would do that if I could get my boots on over my bunions"

 

So - although people can mean well - they have no idea of the problem - and it hurts - as someone said - like rocks - yes

 

Everyone finds their own way - I did - I went back to school - and even though I had to work when I could - then full time - I studied part time and graduated in my 40s - with Honours - and it was the years of study part time that have lasted - every day I use what I have learned

 

But - alas - we can support you and understand you - and maybe we can be with you as you find your way up and out - but you have to find out what within yourself - and you will know when you do find out because it will fit -

 

It seems impossible right now - I know - and you have lost everything since your world fell apart - not your children though it seems

 

We have to find that light to lead us - whatever it is - I hope you can find it here

 

Decadian

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

 I just had a read about J K Rowling. Both my kids were huge fans of her books and movies. I knew that she was a single mum but never knew of her struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. Pretty amazing journey! Thanks for that @Former-Member

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Thankyou @Decadian for sharing your story. I didn't mention in my post that I suffered post natal psychosis within months of having both of my children. My husband left me after the second..with the kids. They eventually came back with me ft after a few years of healing and fight.

So, I have been down the major depression path before and combat it. I guess after just reliving it all along with stuff that sent me into psychosis that I had not yet dealt with that I have felt I just don't have the strength anymore. That is just how it has felt. I am truly hoping that it is the depression speaking.

I too went on to uni but didn't finish the degree with 2 kids and 3 pt jobs but eventually I landed a well paid govt job in my field. And the stigma thrown around there about mental illness...No way would I ever confess my secret.

I guess for the first time in my life I'm really lost and the future looks like me living out of my car. Dismal I know but noone can or will help me out of this situation so I know it's only me that can do it.

If only everyone could see the suffering that the illness brings then perhaps there would be more offers of support? The stigma cuts deep it really does. 

Jak x

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

Hi @Jak33

 

I do understand - my son's suicide 30 years ago yesterday has been a forbidden subject in my family - it upsets them - I felt as if I was thrown to the wolves

 

Have you applied for unemployment benefits - sickness benefits or Disability Support - you are certainly a deserving of at least this much help which can take the burden off you as little as it is - it's regular income and has other benefits attached

 

People here do understand - I joined this community just after Easter this year - when this issues concerning my son overcame me - and I have found the support here to be something I did not expect - but it is a really safe place and well moderated

 

I know about the stigma of different kinds of mental and emotional disorders - I don't like calling them all Mental Illness - but it is hard - you have lived with this secret in a tough workplace for a long time and it has drained all of your strength and made it impossible for you to continue atm

 

People do live out of their cars - and this must be slightly to the right of living rough - but there is help for you - I know - I have been through that - starting with the Disability Support Pension - and it was hard at first - it took weeks to get it but I did get back paid from the date I applied

 

But getting this kind of help is the first step to helping yourself - you have reached out here - and you can and will reach out again. It seems as if you have no strength left right now - I understand that - I have felt it many times - and I can still fall into a huge hole now and again

 

Life can be unkind - I am scratching my brains but I am sure there is something - some Government Organisation - to help you with discrimination in the work place

 

Sometimes it's hard - I had it because I was taller than the GM, female, Australian born, protestant - and it all seems so petty and I just went on with my work because I did it well and it was near the university where I was studying and the pay off for me was that I could take the time to go to the university as long as I told my supervisor

 

Give and take - it worked for me -

 

But for you - it's different - it has run you into the ground

 

Decadian

Re: In my 40s feeling no hope

@Decadian I am so so sorry to hear about your son. I have lost friends but could not even fathom what you have been through with the loss of your child. Thankyou for sharing. When I was in hospital after my 2nd post natal breakdown some of the stories from fellow patients were really helpful in lifting me from my suicidal state.

Re workplace complaint, I took a redundancy from my workplace over a year ago then jumped into my own business running it all on my own. It was really starting to take off when I collapsed. I had been running at about half my usual pace for quite some time with sleep deprivation playing a big part.

I applied for DSP in January, was rejected once so appealled and am still waiting to hear. I had to grab a form from Centrelink last week to help access my Super and while I was there asked how my application was going. The answer I got was " Oh they take forever" . I applied for Housing in March and only just had an interview for Priority. I was told that even on Priority the wait is at least 2 years.

I receive NS incapacitated which is exactly what I pay in rent ( including rent assistance) and have now exhausted my accounts and credit cards.

Financial advisor said my choices are to get a job, go bankrupt, take out Super...with the latter only being a short term solution. Everything is paid up until the end of this month then after that I'm in trouble!

I have been so stressed about what to do, searching everywhere I can online for help...I found this forum yesterday.

I realise that I don't have any other choice but to help myself because no-one else will or can. Those who can are the ones who say "You'll be right", "There's nothing wrong with you"( Mum) etc.

I know feeling sorry for myself won't get me anywhere but it really feels unfair to be treated so differently than if I was to have a broken leg or cancer...I can say that because I had thyroid cancer years ago and had immediete help! Even got cards from long lost relatives from way back...Funny thing was I was totally ok with the diagnosis. To me it was something that didn't belong that could be taken out of my body. But alas such a big deal made by family. I have needed that same deal/help in the past 9 months more than ever...If only they knew what was going on on the inside!

Ok, enough woe is me. Clearly, I have to accept that I am the only one who can get me up and out of this.

God it's so hard though 😞

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