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TCLonely
New Contributor

Marriage breakup

Hi all, this is my first message. I come here desperate to chat to someone. My wife cheated on me for the second time in 8 years. It's been 3 months since we split but my anxiety becomes unbearable at times. Up and down like a yo-yo. I know this is natural but...
I try and get out but I have limited friends and they all have families now. My only family is a daughter and my sone. Both live well away from me. I feel so lonely, desperate for company. What makes things worse is that my wife has started sleeping with yet another person. I know I cannot control the situation it's just that is does my head in. She cheated on me because she said she couldn't go on in life only sleeping with one man.

4 REPLIES 4
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Marriage breakup

Hi @TCLonely

Welcome to Sane. Sorry to read of your marriage break up. Being alone again after being with someone else for so long can trigger anxiety - together with dealing with the hurt and loss. Its a difficult adjustment period and  a major life change which can take time to adjust to. Can you talk to your friends/family about how you are feeling?

There are social groups in different states such as meet up etc where single people can get together and enjoy outings and shared interests etc together without ties. This may help ease the loneliness for you without pressure.  

As you said you cannot control what your ex wife does now. It may help your anxiety and ability to move on if you avoid any knowledge of what your ex wife is doing with her life now as this will only trigger past hurts and cause mental stress as is presently the case. And you have been through enough. Be kind to yourself. 😊

 

 

 

Re: Marriage breakup

@TCLonely

I just spoke to a Lifeline Counsellor on 131114. (free call from any mobile or cost of local call from landline. 42/7 counselling.

I just spoke to a lifeline counsellor and he told me to develop other ares of my life and I reached the conclusion that I should not dwell on anything hurtful or negative.  ' Think on the good things ' phillipians 4:8.

Re: Marriage breakup

Hi @TCLonely,

I'm very sorry to about your recent marriage break-up and what your going through, it must be so tough.

It sounds like you're feeling quite isolated given the limited access to friends and family you mentioned, and I can understand that must be very painful. As mentioned by @Former-Member, I can also see what a drastic impact this is having on you, provided that you shared a significant amount of your life with this person. Such experiences can provoke intense anxiety, and I imagine at times that this can be very distressing. What have you tried to help manage your anxiety? Some techniques that people find helpful include Mindfulness, breathing exercises, guided imagery and exercise. I'm wondering if you'd find any of these techniques useful? Click here for a list of some helpful relaxation exercises you may find helpful.

Reaching out here indicates that you're wanting some support, and that is a brave and commendable thing to do. Have you tried contacting any support services (GP, psychologist, counsellors, support groups, Lifeline) or spoken to anyone about what you're going through?

@Former-Member @BambiFawn Do you have any other thoughts?

 

Warm regards,

tennisstar

 

Re: Marriage breakup

Thank you for your support. It is difficult for me to reach out. The stigma of ' toughen up' rings out.. especially being a male. We aren't all built the same. I have tried various techniques and have medication ( which I'm not sure is helping). I have always had someone there. This is a major problem. Lost touch with friends due to devoting my time to my relationship which I can see was probably not Healthy.
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