Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Miss_Em]

Hi Eveyone,

My Mum was first diagnosed with bipolar 10+ years ago.
Her diagnosis was bought on by me encouraging her to seek help and it resulted in her being hospitalised for 3 months.

Ever since we have ridden the roller coaster of all the manic, depressed and various episodes.

I have 2 older brothers, they don't seem to see it nor cop the brunt of mums episodes like my Dad and I do.

For a long time, I have tried to protect my mum
From any unnecessary stress or worry to prevent an episode happening. This has resulted in our relationship being quite strained as I don't tell her everything that is happening in my life and as I get older (im now 36) and I have my own family i feel like my patience is running slim as I'm juggling so many things.

My family and I are moving from Victoria to Queensland for opportunity for my husbands work.
This has bought on another Episode for my Mum, which has left me feeling so guilty for making the move, but also feeling resentful towards my mum because it's turning into such a drama.

My poor Dad is at his wits end and feeling exhausted.

Anything I say or do for my Mum is not appreciated and she seems to think we are moving away for her, she is not understanding or supportive.

She Constantly sends me text messages that are so emotionally charged.
And today she has taken off for a few nights away, but not sure where she has gone.

It's nice to be able to vent. I'm sure you all know how exhausting it is.

[marchhare]

Hi Miss_Em I am glad you have found the Sane forums. It can be exhausting and draining looking after and protecting a loved one for so long. it sounds as yourself and your father are the ones who have to deal with this and of course you do have your own family to take care of. I am sure you will get good support and advice here on the forums.  

[soul]

Hi @Miss_Em - welcome to the Forum. It sounds like you have really got your hands full. You have become part of the sandwich generation, catering for the needs of both your own children and husband and your parents which in turn is compounded by your mother's mental condition. I'll bet that there is no time or energy left for yourself. It's important that you do have opportunities to exercise some self care. 

You're probably feeling some guilt over going interstate but you are entitled to your own life. It is often left up to one family member to look after someone in need. I think it's time for your brothers to step up and alleviate the load that has fallen to you.

I can speak from experience here. I sacrificed a  lot to care for my parents with little help from my siblings. When I left, they were resentful and still are to this day even though my parents have both passed away now. I can't change that and have to accept that now we are estranged. Hopefully that doesn't happen to you. 

Even though you are moving, you can still reassure your mother that you will keep in touch. Modern technology being what it is, means we are able to communicate very easily. If she isn't tech savvy, maybe you could teach her or your father how to use FaceTime or Skype or some sort of video messaging service. 

I wish you well during this very stressful time.

[Miss_Em]

Thank you so much for your message, means a lot.

We have had a tough week and even tougher day today. Mum very argumentative and accusing my Dad and i of ganging up on her.
A lot of hurtful words came from her mouth, it's so difficult to not take it all on board.

Big hugs to you

[soul]

Stay strong @Miss_Em. Are your plans coming together?

[Revs]

Hello @Miss_Em

I really feel for you and can relate to your situation a lot. I am 26 years old, married but no children yet. ( I'm worried for the day that I do have my own family )

My mum has schizoaffective disorder and I too deal with her illness on a day to day basis with my Dad and sister. It hurts to watch my Dad at his whitts end. He loves her so much but her illness causes her to treat him so horribly. We often say its like we are being emotionally abused or part of her 'games'.

My mum too sends me text messages all through the day or will ring me paranoid or depressed. It's hard to then just forget about what she has just said and go about your day. I find it hard to let go.

She doesn't have any hobbies or doesn't work. About 3 weeks ago she just up and left the state to go stay with family and friends. She has been moving around the country for the last few weeks. She didn't even say goodbye. We talk daily and some days are good but some not so good. I too feel like I can't have my 'own life'.

I don't have much advice for you except that you have made a good start coming to the forums. I recently joined and have been given some good advice and support options.

I just felt like letting you know that you aren't alone and I am here to talk if ever you need.

Take care,
Revs

[NikNik]

Hi @Miss_Em and@Revs

I was reading your posts and thought you might be interested in tonight's Topic Tuesday on 'Caring for the woman in the your life' It kicks off at 7pm AEST.

Hope you can make it!

@Miss_Em - how are things travelling now?

Nik

[Miss_Em]

Hello @Revs

I am so sorry for the delayed reply:
We have just moved and it's been abit of a juggling act.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write, a lot of my friends and even some family really don't understand. Mum has been so good in the past of putting on her happy facade that it makes it difficult for others to understand.

Gosh, wow.
Our Mums sound so similar.
And our Dads, well speaking for mine he is an absolute saint.

How's your Mum? Is she home now.

Mum hasn't made our move easy at all.
The last 6 weeks have been really tough with lots of
Text messages and I'm hearing things from my brothers that she has said about me.
We have just had a really challenging phone call, as soon as I hear the tone in her voice i know.
In fact I can normally just sense/vibe her state of Mike and as I get older I'm finding my patience is wearing thin.

It really is so tricky.

I hope you are doing ok

😘