Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

@Radleritis 

💕😢🌸

Sherry

[Former-Member]

How are things going @Radleritis ?

[Radleritis]

Hi @Former-Member,

Thanks for checking with me. 🙂

Things are a bit hectic at the moment. My wife has been diagnosed with ADHD as well, and after reading about it, her behaviours make a lot more sense to me now. So she'll have to go on, probably, another very strong medication, which effects are totally opposite of the one she is taking now. That scares me a bit because, according to some researches, it can easily come to serious complications if not taken under strict medical control. I know that she is so good at her medications and believe nothing like that will happen. 

What really worries me, are the consequences and damages of her body, of taking such high doses of pain medications for such a long time (decades). 

House move is in its early stages of looking where to move and culling too much stuff we have. 

I have started some supplement support for myself as I feel that my body needs some extra "push" to be able to deal with all this on a daily basis. The gym will be also happening next week again, we had one couple counselling session to help us make an action plan for this big process of moving, we both have regular sessions with our psychologists. My psychiatrist said that as soon as I change the environment, will be able to take me off antidepressants as my depression is environmentally driven, so I am looking forward to that.

Beside that, we are in the process of creating a new healing clinic which will take place when we move and also starting new online health shop with amazing natural health products from overseas. So, that is lots of work involved there and we are both very excited about it. 

Unfortunately, I still have that shadow of a doubt at the back of my mind knowing how many times we planned something and simply couldn't do it because of deep stillness of depression and that scares me because we are not that young anymore to easily bounce off if something goes terribly wrong.

Hope and belief in us and our strong bond and mutual commitment is everything I rely on and I've always been a survivor (as a product of my difficult childhood) and hope that I can still carry both of our loads if needed.

She is worth it, I am worth it and our relationship is worth it. I know that I might sound like a comic hero here but 🙂  if I stop fighting for her and us, what is left?

Apologies for such a long letter. Sometimes words just pour out of me....

R.

[Former-Member]

How are you going @Radleritis 

[Radleritis]

Hi @Darcy

Things are moving slowly and sometimes very frustratingly, as you would expect in a home where mental health is an issue. Still learning self-control, letting go of things I can not control and taking one day at a time. It is so draining living with someone who struggles but doesn't we all sometimes?

Work in progress!  

[outlander]

hi @Radleritis
how are you going?

[Radleritis]

hi @outlander 

Thanks for checking on me. I am doing ok, I guess. My wife started new medications for ADHD and she believes that she has some type of Aspergers as well. huh... It is good that she is finally finding names (reasons) for her major behaviours during her life. She is really trying to get better and she is. She has much more energy and is able to accomplish more tasks during the day. I am noticing that she is still very sensitive the way she perceives me when I talk to her. I really need to think about how I say things (words and tone) because that triggers her. I am trying to be kind and gentle as best as I can, but it seems like I fail sometimes, especially when I am tired. It doesn't sound like that to me, but to her it does, so that counts. One of the major personal stamps for the people with CPTSD is abandonment. Because they've been mistreated possible most of their lives by their closest (loved) ones, they have huge fear of abandonment. My wife needs constant acknowledgements around how she looks, what she does.. and when I miss acknowledging something that is really important to her she goes into some kind of emotional withdrawal and tells me that she wishes I have said that, noticed that... That sounds completely reasonable to me, however, it is sometimes quite hard to express acknowledgements when I am not feeling 100%. It is a really fine dance between control and surrender around what I can, I am and can't not, I am not doing, saying (for whatever reasons). There is so much complexity to someone's mental health and how they relate to others. 

Lately, we've been addicted to watching First Dates on UK Channel 4 and watching how they match people around their values, beliefs, goals, physical attributes... Very interesting dynamic to watch.    🙂

Hope everyone is doing the best as they can with what they have. 

R.

[Corny]

If your wife has cPTSD but has been able to form romantic partnerships throughout her life, all is not lost and there must be memories/people that she draws on to take that leap of faith and risk her heart being in a intimate relationship. 

Abandonment and rejection is trigger #1 because that is all we have known.

But the fact she is in a relationship at all is indicative of a lot goodness, and hope for your future.

We ruin things, that's just what we do.

Corny

[Former-Member]

Hi @Radleritis 

How are you going?