Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Susana]

My paranoid elderly mum is constantly seeking reassurance that she will not be locked up(delusion) by my brother and makes comnents like: "I will be locked up won't I?"...to which the natural response is "no, you wont be". Other times she frames a statement like... "you won't give me my meds when he locks me up" to which if I refrain from responding due today avoidance of enabling her compulsive need for a reassuring response, she would push further and say: "that's why I am scared, because you will neglect me and want me to die".... It's very hard tonight not take it personally. "if only you promise you'll let me stay with you forever, then I won't be scared anymore… all you have to do is say yes, then I won't bother yoi again.... ". If I don't respond.... "now I am so scared because yoi won't give me the reassurance "etc.... It goes round in circles. Anybody with a similar experience with a loved one you care for who can give me some wisdom?

[Shaz51]

Hello @Susana and welcome to the forum

sorry to hear you are going through soo much

sending you hugs

my mum is 86 and she has told mee hundreds of times that she never wants to go into a home , she want to stay in her home until the end , ¬don`t you put me in a home she says" and now she is starting to say for us to move in ith her so I can look after her

[Susana]

Thanks for sharing your story with your mum Shaz51. Life is a challenge, finding the whole role reversal thing a bit tiring.

[Shaz51]

finding the whole role reversal thing a bit tiring. -- it is I agree @Susana, feels strange to start being the mum in the relationship

are you a full time carer of your mum @Susana ? , I am not a carer yet  but I do nearly everything for her

[Susana]

Hi Shaz51, yes, I am her fulltime carer and has been since dad passed away suddenly nearly 2 years ago. Her anxiety/ depression and OCD symptoms fluctuates like a roller coaster. Very tiring travelling alongside her day to day.

[Shaz51]

@Susana, do you have other help , to give you a bit of respite from time to time xx

[Susana]

Thanks Shaz51, yes, she has home care a couple of hours each weekday, I try to get some time out for headspace even if it's doing the groceries.
I have 3 brothers but they working full-time. On weekends they do help some. Why is it so common that the care of elderly parents fall on the daughters?

[Shaz51]

 I have tagged you in the      Carers Hints and tips to Success     also for you to have a look @Susana       

 Why is it so common that the care of elderly parents fall on the daughters? -- it always has my friend , I do genelogy which I have not done for a while as my husband has MI

you find hundreds of years ago one daughter  would stay single and never married and she would be the one to look after the parents         

[Susana]

Thanks Shaz51. You are a wealth of knowledge! You are a dual carer, musn't be easy.

[Shaz51]

Sometimes it is hard my friend @Susana , but remember you are no alone

so whenever you need a talk orjust a social interaction which is good for us carers , come and have a Virtal cuppa at  Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone

I have 4 step children who are and have MI like their dad at differnt levels , but they are adults now and my mum had 15 inches of dead bowel removed last year