Lived Experience Forum

[Missymoo]

Hi im. New to this im so glad. There is a place like this for support in 2011 i had. A house fire and lost everything no insurence and my dad turneagainst me as it was his house. I found out that week i was pregnant which was something positive but had a miscarrage. My partner and i thought it was not ment to be and we tried agaon and fell pregnant abot two. Months later on boxing day which was the perfect. Present! Everyrhing was finally looking up our lives returning couldnt wait to see our lil bundle of joy. Our 20 week scan we haat 21 weeks and they couldnt find a heartbeat all our dreams smashed i had to go into hospital that night and go through labour we gave birt to our lil boy braxton never felt so alone and felt as if life was never goong to get better m. But im realiseing now that i never dealt with loosing our son and dont know how now. First time in life i have ever lost anyone close. Who can i turn to with no family support

[NikNik]

Hi @Missymoo 

Welcome to the Forums.

I'm so saddened to hear your story, I'm truly sorry for you loss.

It takes a lot of courage to share your story, and it's great you've come here to find support. This discussion about grieving the loss of a child, may be useful for you. There are some great recommendations on places you can seek further support.

Maybe @Frog22  , @Mailly  and @sazzarocks might be able to offer some advice?

Nik

[JT]

Hi Missymoo.  Welcome to the forums.  So sorry to hear about everything that you've been through and the loss of both of you babies.  I miscarried my daughters' twin at 10 weeks which was before I even knew I was pregnant and I didn't think I needed to deal with it.  It wasn't till years later that I realised that it was part of my life and I needed to deal with that loss especially since it was one of 5 miscarriages.  I am lucky enough to have 3 beautiful children though and I'm sure that one day you will get there too.  Our local SIDS and Kids are just amazing for support and councelling and I thoroughly recommend finding your local one.  

[kristin]

Dear Missymoo,

Welcome to the forums. I hope you can find some of the support you need here.

I'm so sorry to hear all you've been through. Any one of these things would have traumatic, but all on top of each other they can become cumulative. I hope you can find some good supports in your community.

I understand something of your devastation at Braxton's death. 8 years ago I gave birth at 20 weeks to my second daughter, who'd died in utero. I'd had two miscarriages before that (both around 10-12 weeks). The grief is immense, although it can ease with time.

When I was pregnant with my third daughter we were terrified something would happen to her too.  I didn't even tell my older children until I was 20 weeks. When she was born I found I had terrible trouble seeing her, because the daughter I had lost was also very much present for me. So I struggled to bond with my youngest.

I would really encourage you to get compassionate help in dealing with the very real and debilitating grief of your loss. There is an organisation called SANDS (which I think stands for Still-birth and Neo-natal Death Support). They can be contacted on 1300 0 sands, or you can Google them - they also have a live chat service via the internet through their website if you prefer. I really hope you will find that helpful. They did help me a bit when I lost Mariah, but I really wasn't ready at that time to accept more help. I wish I had in hindsight.

One of the things I learned more about after losing my baby was that stresses can make the womb an inhospitable place for a growing baby. Recently suffered trauma can make miscarriage or still-birth more likely. I'm sharing this with you so you can hopefully understand that it is not your fault. Something which I struggled with for a very long time - I felt I had failed my baby. In reality I did the best I could, with the knowledge I had.

So blessings & hugs to you Missymoo.

Kindest regards,

Kristin