Skip to main content
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Hanzel
New Contributor

Struggling

This is my first post on anything like this. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a long time. I have seen and spoken to various Counsellors and had many a GP visits and been put on a couple of different drugs. They help for a little while but I just seem to be going around in circles. I threw myself into my work to try to distract myself from my feelings but all that did was push my wife away. So I decided to end it all,  I planned it all left a note and off I went, but I couldn’t do it, I thought of my wife and my kids. So I went back ripped up the note and went back and never told anyone what I had planned on doing. I started seeing another counsellor but I never had the guts to tell him  of my plan because once again I scared. While all this was happening my wife had been quietly planning to leave as she could not deal with my moods anymore. Then I lost my job due to COVID 19 all in the space of a week. I went back to the GP and back on some different anti depresants and had to start counselling again but over the phone. It has been 3 months now and I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. But the last couple of weeks I have really struggled, I had a death in the family and my wife is looking to move on a lot quicker than I thought. All my suicidal thoughts all came back and hit me like a tonne of bricks. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. The should I shouldn’t i scenario is consuming my thoughts. I tried to talk to my wife (which I know was a mistake) as she felt I was trying to manipulate her by bringing it up now. I’m not sure what I hope to achieve by putting this out there but thought it can’t hurt to see.

8 REPLIES 8
JLC
Casual Contributor

Re: Struggling

The saying is true: it never rains, but it pours. That rain seems even heavier when our loved ones just find our burdens far too heavy for them. I myself am new to this forum too, and I see a similarity in our fears and anxieties.

Re: Struggling

Hello @Hanzel I am Moonstone, one of the forum moderators. Welcome! I am so glad that you have joined the forum cummunity and shared with us a bit about what has been going on for you. I can hear things have been difficult lately and the thoughts of suicide have felt overwhelming. I'm so sorry that you have been going through this. It takes a lot of courage to admit when we're struggling and reach out. It's great to have you here, I hope you will find some good support.

 

Please feel free to contact us at team@saneforums.org if you would like to discuss ways we can best support you right now. The following services are also available if you need to talk:

Lifeline: 13 11 14  

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 

Samaritans: 135 247

 

 

Re: Struggling

@Hanzel  Welcome to the forums. 

 

I’m sorry you are struggling with so much . Your decision to not go through with ending it all was a very brave one. You obviously love your wife and kids. 

 

I would encourage you to be honest and open with your counsellor. They can only help if they know what our needs are. There is no shame in what you are feeling. The pain and struggles are as real as any other illness.

Please reach out for help. Some things we just can’t do alone.

Sending warm wishes. 💙💙💙

Re: Struggling

Thanks for sharing what you've been going through - there are a lot of really heavy things happening for you... @Hanzel 

 

How have you been travelling the past couple of days?

Re: Struggling

Hi and welcome, @Hanzel . It's good you've joined the forums, where people can relate and understand, and you can get peer support for what you're going through. 

 

Thanks for sharing where you're at. It's a very, very hard place, I know from experience. Severe depression is the worst. 

 

It's good you're on anti-depressants and seeing a counsellor...I would echo @Maggie  in saying it would be good to tell your counsellor (and your GP) that you're feeling suicidal, if you can bring yourself to. That way you can get help. 

 

Please take care @Hanzel .

Re: Struggling

I have been trying to keep busy, i am dealing with family at the moment. Which is good cause it takes my mind of it. 

Re: Struggling

We are here for you @Hanzel . 💜💜💜

Re: Struggling


@Hanzel wrote:

I have been trying to keep busy, i am dealing with family at the moment. Which is good cause it takes my mind of it. 


That's good to hear, @Hanzel . Please keep safe. 

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance