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To be or not to be

I have just spent a few hours reading some of the posts on some of the subjects and there is a mixture of....well ok so i am not the only person with all these issues... to my goodness I have no right to complain.  However it does seem to be cathartic for some people to post so lets see if it helps.

 

I will not start at the beginning for it all began a very long time ago, when unicorns still roamed the earth. I shall just say being officially diagnosed has not really helped. My question now is.. Is my mental illness (man i hate that term) part of my personality, forever woven into my very being, or is the real me somewhere in there. I am not even sure who the real me is, (the following is a joke and not intended to offend anyone)...the voices in my head took a vote and decided i wasnt skitzophrenic.

I learnt a word ..han.....korean word no real english translation...but it is the one word that sums up how i feel most of the time.

Nope this really is not cathartic ...oh well....

16 REPLIES 16

Re: To be or not to be

Welcome to the forums @simontemplar 

You've written a very interesting, thought provoking post. I don't think these forums are necessarily cathartic. But I do think that by sharing our stories, experiences and problems it makes us feel less alone and isolated.

Re: To be or not to be

@simontemplar  Hey simontemplar and yeah I would say speaking from my own experience (schizoaffective disorder here) I have never got myself back to where I was before the mi started. You know what though in amongst the bad of the illness there are some special moments which I enjoyed (few and far between but enough to make me miss them after they have all but gone since I have been on medication).. peax

Re: To be or not to be

Hi and welcome @simontemplar  👋🏻😊

 

I sometimes feel like asking me "could the real me please step forward". I think it takes a long time (and for me therapy) to understand it better. Much of what I’ve learned is from reading posts on the forum. So this is what I’ve learned so far. MI isn’t your personality, that part is uniquely you voices and all. Mi is part of us just like physical illnesses are part of us. We have to tend to them and look after ourselves just like people with physical things do. I’ve heard that cancer patients often lament that they feel like their personality and world is just cancer. 

 

The people ive come to know and become friends with I’ve known by their personality not their illness. I have to take into account their medication routines and if they are unwell but I chose to be their friend based on their personality and connections we made. I hope this makes sense. 

 

Best wishes.

 

PS cathartic is something I don’t often get from posting here. Some do. I tend to learn, find it rewarding if someone finds a post helpful, a connection I’ve made, and hopefully a laugh along the way. 

Re: To be or not to be

 

Welcome to my first day time post.  It is more to learn how this system works, Am I replying to the last post in this thread.....or to all the posts. I am sure I will soon learn. So you may ask why am I posting during the day, after all the sun is up, birds are chirping (squawking) , I really do not know why I am posting ( i remember the days when posting required a stamp...Smiley Happy ) I will admit this whole being a part of a forum is not entirely my idea and I certainly am not sure what it will do, and I am constantly fighting the urge to delete the whole thing and yet I keep typing (and yes i realise that I am typing that I continue to type.....this is getting moronic).  I read the replys to my last post and it took me a little while to work out what MI meant ( i was hoping it wasn't myocardial infarction)  The one thing i  have learnt is that everyones journey ( i hate that term too) is different and what works for some may not work for others, but the one thing one must do is continue on, for the only alternative is...ending.  So I have said to myself  "Self lets see where this goes" .  With no great enthusiasm and extreme trepidation (man i love spell check)......foot lightly on the accelerator....lets see where this goes..

Re: To be or not to be

Keep writing @simontemplar because you are good at it. I enjoy reading your musings.

Re: To be or not to be

Do i muse? perhaps I pontificate... I hope i dont harangue (yes folks i do like a thesaurus). I finally realised I am posting in the lived experience forum so i suppose i should share some lived experiences.  Where to start....hmmm....firstly i will say being a casual contributer seems to suit me...as i am usually in my jimmy jams when posting....or at least in casual clothing.  It has been facinating to find that most of my "hobbies" over the years have been "coping mechanisms" ( the amount of labels given to behaviour is staggering). I am still hoping playing video games is not a coping mechanism, tho i did read somewhere that playing such games deters the onset of alzimers ( i think i read it, i forget where i found out Smiley Happy ) What has also been quite upsetting that alot of my "behaviour" are symptoms of depression and/or anxiety.  Had i been told this some 20 years ago I may have been able to change said behaviour. Apparently short term memory is quite typical, and for years i thought i had early onset dimentia... would have been nice for some one at some time to say so...perhaps they did and i forgot tho i doubt it.

On the upside I did learn how to knit some 2 years ago and now have a rather long scarf (one day i must learn how to cast off)...enuff musing for 1 am...

Re: To be or not to be

Hi Simontemplar

I too hate the word mental health/illness/disorder. I use the m & h from mental health and call what i have as a mind and heart condition. I figure it is our mind that is unwell and our heart that is hurting. I use this term all the time.

Cheers

CKS

 

Re: To be or not to be

Hi and welcome to the forums @simontemplar   great to see your sharing - I love your writing and your sense of humor.

You do pose a good question about whether we are still our 'former' selves somewhere inside once we know we have MH issues.  I think that in many ways we are, but at the same time some things do change us forever.  And in my own case, not having known I have bipolar 1 until age 46, I look back over the decades and can see where I actually probably had episodes of it since at least my teen years.  And also the challenges of complex PTSD and many traumatic events and relationships over the years.  I'm now 56.  (Notice I said 'I have'  not  'I am' bipolar ... this really underlines how I see things).  So I no longer feel driven to hunt for the earlier person I was, but rather work to integrate my sense of identity in earlier times with my expression and sense of ID now.  Hope that makes sense.

Thought you might like this cartoon :  

Image result for thesaurus cartoon dinosaur

 

It's one of my favourites

Re: To be or not to be

Love the cartoon @eth. Very funny

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