Lived Experience Forum

[munchicans]

Hi everyone!
Ok so newbie and first post and hopefully in right forum!
I have Bipolar and was diagnosed about a 1.5yrs ago. My husband encouraged me to seek help several years ago after the passing of my mum from BS fires and my moods were getting worse and depression setting in etc. So I did get the help, meds etc and seemed kinda good for awhile but started noticing more dramatic behaviour which ended up being bipolar. So that's all great, accepted I have it and on treatment etc. However, anyone who knows bipolar and lives with it can be extremely challenging at times to say the least.
My main point of this post is I'm worried about my husbands own wellbeing emotionally and physically as he's the only one working at a crappy job, we have 4 kids one with Autism, him trying to deal with my episodes from the bipolar, total lack of family support and limited friends we can talk to and seek help.

We've reached a point where he's trying to hold everything together and I see him desperately struggling the same way as I'm desperately struggling to give him support but I'm shit at it at the moment cause of the bipolar and it's coming across as I don't give a damn about him and only thinking of myself and no one else in our family - which isn't true but can understand why he thinks that. We're spiriting into a vicious circle of emotional states where he believes that everything he says to me I see it as either competition, or I don't care at all (which unfortunately bipolar makes you blurt shit out before you can properly articulate it and then gets misconstrued into something else, so you get angry at yourself for doing that and they cycle starts into this gun slinging match of abuse because your hurting so much inside that feel done wrong) to which is pushing him away unwittingly in our marriage.

I know I'm frustrating and hurting him so much at the moment (and myself!) and it's hurting me that I'm doing this to him and my children but more so him. He desperately needs a GOOD supportive support group specifically to do with bipolar (and it's wonderful mood elements it brings!) so he can comfortably offload, and most importantly NOT feel he's alone in his thoughts. I know I can be very extreme at times and aware of my hurtful was and lack of doing stuff and this is killing him...literally! I know he's on breaking point himself as he's already said this to me and can see it. He's a very caring, sensitive and loving husband which I'm slowly destroying because of this stupid bipolar shit I can't help. He's in desperate need of help and comfort for himself that I'm lacking most of the time as I'm never quite sure how to.

Does anyone know of a really good group he can go to within the 3030 postcode area where he can vent, talk, learn and understand he's not alone??? I'm feeling desperate for him which of course isn't helping me either with the worry. Sorry if I haven't made much sense along the way. Just want some help for him. He needs a support group not counselling alas he's been there before and is a different kind of help, he needs real people and experiences help.

Thanks for reading 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @munchicans

You sound so insightful and caring, and it seems you and your husband are working so hard to stay a float.

I think it's great that you are seeking out support. May I ask if you partner would be open to seeing a psychologist? I ask because he might be able to get counselling under the Medicare rebate - I think you can get 6 - 10 sessions. To do this, he would need a referral from a GP. Do you have a family doctor that he would feel comfortable to see to get a referral? Speaking to psych could allow him to talk through his stress, find new ways of coping, feel supported and gain new insights.

There are also support groups that he can attend. I can't think of an Bipolar specific, but GROW has support groups for anyone affected by MI. You might also want to try ARAFMI, they specifically provide support to carers.

You could also suggest the SANE Forums for carers. It's the same as this Forum but for carers. Feel free to go on there yourself, and ask carers if they know of any services.

Hope this helps a little.

CB

[Durango]

Hi munchicans,

In addition to Cerrybombs post, it is important that your husband continues to do things that he enjoys and looks after his own mental health and wellbeing. Some carers feel guilty if they do things they enjoy while their partner is depressed or unwell. So if you can encourage him to find time for enjoyment, relaxation, socialising etc it may be helpful for you both. Thanks for your post, it sounds like you are really caring for each other.

Take care,

Durango.

[Rhythm]

Hi @munchicans,

Was enthralled by your story, thanks so much for sharing.

It seems like there is a lot that is going on for you and your husband and by reaching out here, it is the first great step to finding that support.

I would second the thoughts of Cherry in terms of using Grow as service, it can be a helpful resource in finding support groups that could be appropriate.

Welcome to the forums, this is a fabulous peer-peer support network that encourages those new and longer experienced in how it all works.

l wonder if any other members have further thoughts to bring to the table.. @WombatBoots @Mazarita @kato @kenny66 @Akash75@kristin@Rosie@Jacques@Snuffles@Melody90, feel free to sit by the fire, where it's warm and listen to some groovy music.

*sending you cyber hugs* @munchicans,

and welcome again to the forums

Stay Groovy,

Rhythm

[Melody90]

Hi

I really feel for you in this situation. I have bipolar as well, I was only diagnosed 4 months ago, prior to this I was diagnosed with Major depression, anxiety, OCD, Primary sleep disorder, BPD, all sorts of things were thrown around. I was in a long term relationship while I was suffering through my longest and most severe depression episode to date (about 18 months ago). I too,like yourself, could see the toll my state of mind and behaviour was taking on my partner. Unfortunetly he did not have positive family or friendship supports and hated his job and eventually he burned out and was not able to stay in the relationship with me.

I do think that if we had known exactly what my isssue was at the time then it may have helped a bit. He may have been able to read resources about how to care for people with bipolar and understand the illness a bit better (the black dog institute has some good fact sheets for carers of people with bipolar). 

But the biggest thing I can tell you that I'd wish I'd done differently was to push myself to go to group therapy myself. Not even necessarily a depression support group, but a group of people in a social setting that was in a positive space.

After my relationship broke down I joined a choir ( singing is something that I find easy/stress free and uplifitng) it took me a while to come out of my shell and percervere with it, but getting out of the house once a week for a few hours made a big difference to me, I was able to interact with people in a positive environment and I built my own support networks through that space (eventually). 

A support group for your husband (in person or online) is probably a great thing too, but if you're not already doing some sort of social activity, and it is possible to do so, a social, group activity for yourself may help to take some of the stress off of your husband. Maybe, maybe not, it can be hard to put yourself in a social situation when suffering from the effects of bipolar but I pushed through the uncomfortable stage (although I have fallen off the wagon a few times). 

All the best, hang in there. 

[Rosie]

Hey @munchicans

I think you're really seeing it from your husband's perspective and what a great thing! You have insight into the situation which is helpful for everyone in the family.

A visit for him to the psych could be really great, as it gives the opportunity to 'let it all out' and find some solutions to thought patterns or things going on your life.

The main thing I saw in your post is that you guys seem to work as a team. It was sweet how you said both of you were trying to 'hold it together'. Sometimes the team needs some guidance from a coach or a new strategy to play the game. And you're looking for that. Great stuff.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Rosie.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @munchicans

FOUR kids in this day is a hand full. You have insight. Tell him you care and are sorry it might not look like it.  I am a choir girl too.   try local council and community centres or GROW. It would be good if there were more support groups in suburbs .. we all need some kind of village ..

[munchicans]

Wow!
Thank you so much everyone for your amazing replies, support and encouragement 😊
Yes since posting we've started to talk more about him seeking support & help for just him to go blah! I have told him about GROW too. He's thinking more online at the moment but certainly hasn't ruled out counselling. We've also been more conscious to try & see what will set me off and him pointing it out when I do go off in some direction or another.
It's also been great to read that not alone and very similar stories as to mine too!
Thank you all again for such amazing replies 😊❤️

[Former-Member]

HI @munchicans,

I'm glad people here have been able to help you & you have been able to have more conversations with your husband.

I am new here too & this is my first attempt at offerring support.

I just wanted to say I really relate to your story as I have a partner of nearly 12 years & throughout the years I have often worried about his own mental health. He did try to go to some community support groups for carers, but he personally didn't find them helpful, as he said everyone focused on the inadequate support services for people with severe mental illness. However, your husband may find them helpful - I'm not trying to discourage you. I probably would think him seeing a psychologist or counsellor would be more helpful. And I agree with someones comment - that he needs an enjoyable outlet. My partner has cycling - although the severity of my suicidality this year has prevented him from doing much this year.

My parnter is extremely loving & supportive - although I can forget this with "no one cares" woes of depression & also get delusions of persecution.

It sounds like your partner is trying his best & loves you very much too - so know that you will get through this together.

Take care *hugs*