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LostAngel
Senior Contributor

feeling a bit tense today in general

currently listening to rock music,feeling a bit tense today ,havnt acheived much today just had a shower after getting out of bed and ate some Banana bread and drank some milk ,shower felt good though,just a bit touchy/jumpy in general but also cause theres words left unspoken between me and someone Ive been wanting to talk to or trying to let them in but then every chance weve given eachother seems to be in vain hes busy,I feel Ive either sabotaged fun or am at risk of sabotaging as a result of him not giving me just a bit of his time in his busy world,Ive tried being assertive,passive aggressive,distant,honest,give space,listening and trying to work out what Ive done wrong ,where things went wrong how and why,might need to take my meds early ,trying not to give up on this person but how much longer can I wait and how much longer will they wait as well who knows,does he even think of me like he used to,was it all a disater bound to happen from the get going,was it my lack of boldness,his lack of affection,Im just going back to being single pretty much now,just foccussing on myself,dont feel Im worth his time like I once was,all Ive caused is frustration to him,maybe not fun enough for him,maybe not clear enough for him,if it is destined not to work out well at least Ive tried and I know full well how much hes tried talk about stalemate which one of us will up and leave first ,pull the plug and say no more ,no more,got a feeling that person will be me,hes far more patient then Ive ever been,Ive tried so the question is what now,just look after and trust myself I geuss maybe Im too loyal,too soft

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