Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar and others @Razzle @Meowmy @Ali11 @Shaz51 

today’s session with my psychologist was good. I told her I need help with reg to my weight issues and hubbys stupid comments. I told her what he said to me last week about the yoghurt been ”too healthy” for me. She agreed it was a dig at me snd asked me if I spoke to him. I said no I didn’t know how to start. We discussed ways if me talking to him. I told her I have a lot of negative thoughts around my weight. She said to stsy with my dietitian. But she wanted me to talk to hubby about his comments and how they affect me in eating way too much. 

I’ll have to bring it up eith him tiday. 

I’m scared. I’m nervous but I need to let him know. 

Let you all know later. Xxxx

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

I am so glad you talked about this with your therapist and she has given you good suggestion and I understand about your talking to him

But what can he do that he isn't already doing? No need to be scared - perhaps he needs a shake up and I agree that the time is ripe - he needs to listen to you

If he doesn't want to listen or gets abusive again it might be time to tell him to take a walk - meaning - get out of the house now and take a walk around the block - but he needs to know how you are feeling about his insulting attitude and how it affects you

I am looking foward to hearing how it goes

And remember to start your sentences with

I feel - upset and hurt when you speak to me like that

I feel as if you don't care 

I feel insignificant

Cause your feelings are real - they are valid - they matter

And what he is doing is sabotaging your efforts to improve your heatlh

All the best BlueBay

Dec

[Meowmy]

@BlueBay Glad your session went well with therapist. Hope you work something out with hubby for him to support you in your journey to eat well and lose weight. Take care.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar 

@Meowmy @Razzle @Ali11 @Shaz51 @Former-Member 

boy this was really hard for me. I told hubby how my session went today. And explained my issues with weight. I told him that what he said last week had made me angry and I over ate. 

His reply - oh I didn’t know I said thst. 

Which is what the psychologist said he would do. He would deny it. 

So then I said I need help from the family to help me. 

He didn’t say much at all. But my therapist said that’s ok if he doesn’t reply because he will reflect later on. At least I told him. 

@Owlunar  I could have and should have said more but I just couldn’t. Snd my therapist said just focus on one issue. Don’t bring everything else into the discussion. 

So let’s waut and see. My therapist suggested couple counselling and I mentioned it to hubby to ask at his work. They offer free sessions but not sure if it’s couple counselling. 

She also says I have a right to speak up. And if he doesn’t like it it’s his issue not mine. But st the moment I’m transferring the issue back into me. 

[Meowmy]

@BlueBay You have done well chatting to hubby and try to get his support. Relationship, communications are such hard work. Hope you get what you need soon. Take care.

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

That's really good

I agree with your therapist - it's his problem not yours and dealing with one issue at a time is enough - otherwise it will get lost in the arguments that might crop up

Yes - he will deny it and put the discussion off - but you have started the discussion and that's really good

Now the hard work starts - it's not your issue - it's his - and remember and remind yourself how badly you are affected by the cruel comments and how they have affected you - I am not sure but it is possible that your reaction is a sort of self-harm like over-eating - it only hurts you - and it's his lesson to learn -

That's what you need to remember and I think you have done a great job today

Dec 

[BlueBay]

Omg @Owlunar you know me far too well!!! That’s  exsctly what I told my psychologist. Thst it’s a form of self harm, same as stopping my meds. I even said I would not eat fir days. But she said it wouldn’t help if i did that. It would make things a whole lot worse. 

My psychologist told me also that there will be a group therapy close to home on communication snd relationships. She will tell me when it will start so I can go. 

I really like this lady she is very understanding and knows her stuff and knows a lot of what goes on in hospital.

The only trouble niw is that she has to close my file and I have to refer myself again. They must do this every 6 months. It isn’t a problem as I’ll get to see her again but it won’t be until September. She will close my file next week and send a letter to my relevant support people. So in the meantime I will go bsvk to my original psychologist. Which is ok but I have ti psy where as this one is free. 

What I need to learn is that when he says something to not let it get yo me. I don’t know how it will go but I need to try.

[Ali11]

Proud of you @BlueBay, you did well having that conversation, and the therapist is right about sticking to one issue so you can both focus on it. Counselling sounds like a great idea, if the work can help. If not, have you heard of people like Esther Perel, Neil Strauss or Lewis Howes? They all share a lot of really insightful tips and guidance on maintaining or healing relationships under stress 

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Ali11   No haven’t heard of these people but will google.  

[Shaz51]

proud of you my sister @BlueBay