Open Discussion

[chibam]

There's not much to say, is there @Historylover ?

Some people just don't get winning hands.

It's been good to hear you are doing well, though. I'm glad.🙂🤗

[Historylover]

I'd be much happier if you were doing well too, @chibam. All I can say is not to wait for others to help, for systems to change. Chances are that they won't, or you'll be so deeply entrenched in one of those notorious 'cracks in the system' that they'll never get to you. Find ways to help yourself. Small steps. Take reasonable risks when putting yourself out there. Try different things. New things. Keep a small profile while you get familiar with the code of conduct in different systems. You are a delightful and capable man, @chibam, and capable of so much more.

[chibam]

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@Historylover wrote:

Take reasonable risks when putting yourself out there.

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Reasonable being the operative word there, @Historylover . And in that regard, I don't have any good options; only virtually-guaranteed hell-traps, all of which are mere photocopies of roads I've ventured down before. I wouldn't want to sully that approach if you feel it's worked for you, but lets just say that my view of it is far less charitable.

There are some lines I just can't in good conscience allow myself to cross. Nor do I have any patience or strength left to commit to another distasteful farce, just for the sake of "fitting in" with others. I'm tired of having to pretend all the time. I need a place where I can be myself, and hear my own mindset spoken in the authentic voices of others.

[Historylover]

To use a well-used phrase—you do you, @chibam. I know where you're coming from and I'm sorry things seem so bleak for you. I don't have any advice then, as only you know your circumstances, what you've tried and what you're prepared to try. I don't know what else to say. I can't put myself in your shoes. 🤗

P.S. Remember when I described social situations as 'viper's nests'? I'm not in the same mind set these days. I'm hoping for permanence. Time will tell.

[chibam]

I'm sorry, @Historylover . I know I'm not giving the sorts of responses you want to hear. I know I must seem hopelessly stubborn; like some sort of tragic character bringing tragedy down upon himself.

I've seen comics that depict swamplands full of zombie-like characters flailing around in the mud; if any benevolent passers-by try to reach out to pull one of these poor unfortunates to safety, they get dragged into the deadly swamps themselves. The moral of the comic being: you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves; they'll just drag you down into their hell.

I know that's how people like me look to the outside world. I personally regard those sorts of depictions as being terribly distorted; like it doesn't even try to understand the people in the swamp, it just seeks to demonize them. But maybe that's just my personal bias clouding the issue.

In any event, IMHO, it's a far more nuanced situation than one can accurately and fairly delve into in some post on a forum.

I'm sorry I can't be the person you want me to be, @Historylover . Please know that it's not for lack of trying; perhaps not since we've known one another, but certainly for a significant portion of my lifespan.

[Historylover]

Please drop me a line to let me know how you're doing, @chibam. It's been too long since we touched base. 🤗 I hope you're doing OK.

[chibam]

Hi @Historylover ! 😀👋 How have you been? It's great to hear from you!

I'm doing okay. 🙂

[Historylover]

Oh, @chibam! @chibam! @chibam! It's so good to hear from you! You're a voice from the past!! I've been trawling to find any trace of you and all posts were old ones.

You sound good. You sound great actually. 

I've been well and occupied with my sport which is fun. What about you? Anything to report? Where've you been?

[chibam]

I've been here @Historylover . Getting more then a few of my posts nixed for saying the wrong things, and I guess minding my Ps & Qs on the rest. 😉

I don't post on here as often as I used to, but I usually do show up at least once a day, to look around if nothing else.

I don't think I have much to report. I'm a deadly bore, I'm afraid. 😋

[Historylover]

Well, you're a nice, deadly bore, @chibam! I'm pleased you're still on here, even if you're still misbehaving, and that you're doing OK! I mostly just answer my mail these days.

I'm so pleased to hear from you and to touch base. It's been ages. Take care of yourself!