Lived Experience Forum

[Freedom11]

NEEDING SOME ADVICE. 

Me and my daughter are living with a friend of mine and her partner and have been there with them last few months. We all get along well

Recently I have found my friend seems to be very controlling with my daughter. 

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not but I bought a new pack of lunch bags I got for my daughter for her school lunches and my friend just gave it away cause she doesn't like using them. She also had went and bought over size nappies and tried wearing them because my daughter wet the bed a few time and didn't even consult with me first. 

More recently i was having a rough week and she told my daughter to stay in her room and not come near me.

A part of me thinks that she is just trying to help but I also feel like she is trying to take over as my daughters mum. 

Not sure if I'm just over reacting or overthinking would love to hear what everyone thinks :face_with_rolling_eyes: 

[Appleblossom]

I am not a big believer in simplistic credos .. like my house my rules ... or my baby my rules ... but seems you are floating somewhere in between those ideas a little. @Freedom11  Finding the path of mutual respect is rarely easy, but speaking out to your friend could help clarify things.  Your relationship is primary, but they also are in close quarters.  Your feelings are a guide, but be careful how you address it.  In my mind it is overstepping the roles a bit, but I am not typical.

Take Care of you and your girl.

[Freedom11]

@Appleblossom Thanks for your advice. I am stepping very carefully as I don't want to ruin a good friendship, but I am wanting her to understand that she is my daughter and that we are both happy to follow their house rules but I'm not willing to be controlled or have my daughter controlled just because I have mental health issues  

[Lino]

@Freedom11 

Trust your gut feeling, maybe you aren't overreacting.

[Freedom11]

@Lino .I generally do but with all my recent meltdowns I not sure if I can trust my gut feeling 

[wellwellwellnez]

Sounds like a wholesome talk about boundaries and expectations might be a place to start. I'd say, rather than measure whether it's a big deal or a small deal, more recognize what's important to you and go from there.

[Appleblossom]

@Freedom11 

What you have posted and the other replies sounds very reasonable to me.

Your friend may not mean to overstep legit boundaries but just thought her approaches were easy "fixes", and helpful, so there is no need to get too uphet about it all too quickly. 

Know what you mean about self doubt when Mental illness is in play, so trust both aspects of your get feelings, to protect your relationships.

Its sitting on bad feelings, not expressing yourself, and having situations repeat, that could be a problem later.