Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Songs58]

Hi  Sophie

yes it is stressful and iam eating and trying to look after my self ..... I had a good chat with her yesterday but got no response she just listened ...... I said to her if theres anything i have said or done that has upset you please forgive me I dont say or do things to intentionally hurt you or want to hurt you or cause you pain and sorrow all I want for you to Love me the best way you can.... because I love you and want to enjoy my life with you ... at least she listened and didnt respond with anger or tell me to go away ........ but no conversation or reply from her as has been the case for a very long time ...... shes deep in thought but want express it , she told me she doesnt say and talk to me much because if she says the wrong think it may upset me so she says nothing ........ but I said I would rather no the truth on how your feeling or the truth about what you would liketo say to me .than  have you bottle it up inside ....... i have never abused her in anyway ....... its a past issue she doesnt seem to be able to move past ...... thats where its at at the moment .... thanks for your kindness and comments Sophie I really appreciate them to know people are concerned thank you regards Songs.

[Former-Member]

@Songs58 

There are some resources on helping someone with PTSD such as the link below. 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm

It is so hard to get the balance right. I  found doing things Mr Darcy appreciated but not. smothering him was difficult (especially after his attempt). I found myself in a spot where I had lost myself and had given up all my hobbies and it took me quite a while to get back on track. 

Your wife quite possibly appreciates the time out when you  go fishing or play bowls, particularly if she had been on her own for a while beforehand. 

[Songs58]

Hi yes its very hard to get the right balance ..... my wife could go out herself to her friends place or one of her two daughters that live nearby but prefers to stay home ......... I know I cant be home with her all the time but ive been out before fishing or gone for  a drive .....and when i return its like well itok for you to be out doing what  you like i dont go anywhere ? i say ut darling you can go anywhere you would like to go i ask you everyday but you say theres no place you want to go so I cant win if iam at home iam around her to much but if i go away do to things i like i get told what i mentioned before ....... iam out of ideas ......

[Former-Member]

Hearing you @Songs58 

Mr Darcy would say "you go out and have a good time without me"

When you feel you can't win = ☹️☹️☹️

Fortunately things are a bit better and if he says it now I smile and say "I will my darling"

[Sophie1]

@Former-Member @Songs58  just catching up on this thread after work to see how Songs is tracking .. I checked out the article links Darcy put in her replies below as MsS struggles with I believe a lot of PTSD - the article was very helpful and had links to other articles below it on PTSD that were more specific to types of trauma - this was very helpful and had great easy to read summaries ... lots of helpful hints practical ideas - I will be revisiting these articles a few times I think .. many thanks Darcy and I hope they r useful for you too Songs 

[Songs58]

Thanks Sophie i will check them  🙂

[Jay-e]

@Songs58 welcome, and you've done the right thing by reaching out for support here, everyone is wonderful. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. As partners we end up feeling so helpless at times and try so hard then get frustrated and upset with ourselves that we can't "fix it". My partner has bipolar and also a big trauma history  as well, and the best advice I can give is that whilst it's hard and feels personal, it's often not. For my partner, she feels most vulnerable around me but can put on a front for others so they think everything is fine and I often have to remind myself it's not because she doesn't love me, it's because the trauma has wired her brain to push away those she loves most to try and protect herself from being hurt. 

Keep checking in, there's always someone here to listen!

[Songs58]

Hi Jay

thanks fo ryour comment everyone dos help me realize that each of us are dealing with different situations at home and I appreciate your commentsa nd everyone that has contributed on here ... thank you.

I feel exactly what you so ia sure its a front too but its frustrating at the same time to know that 5 mins agao shes not talking with me but now talking with her girlfriend or daughter and hasnt given me two words all day.

I learnt not to take it personally but at the same time it does become hard to handle when basically you become a stranger to your wife or isolated in your own home 😞  and another thing too with my wife she seems to turn my comments comments postive ones I use to her all the time ..... but she turns them around and says she i know iam at fault all the time your the good person and its always my fault ????  .. but thats not the case ive supported her metally and emotionaly all th etime we have been together and she seems more anger now because doesnt have interest like i do and its like jealous of what i can do or can do but ive gave a lot of those away  to find interest of what she wants to do but she cant com eup with anything ive suggested many things and she says no dont lik ethat or i cant do that ........ its a very difficult situation to be in .......ive aske dto go walking with me with our two little dogs ... once she did has happened again ........... just doesnt want to do anything ........ thanks for listening to all this .

[Former-Member]

Checking in @Songs58 , how are you going?