Lived Experience Forum

[wild_rose]

Today was admission day.

Still can't determine how I feel about all this, it's not an actual hospital but a step down, it's called a prevention centre, in the hopes to avoid hospitalisation, so at least I still retain some independence.

I guess if I had to try and describe what I'm feeling it would be very overwhelmed. I don't have my little dogs for company and I suddenly feel very alone and left with my thoughts, which I'm not sure is what I want.

A part of me knows deep down that this is the best place for me and a part of me is screaming that I just want to go home.

I don't know how long I'll be here there, but I promised my partner I'd stay as long as needed.

Coming here was the hardest decsion I ever made, people tell me that sit takes strength to be admitted, but I really don't feel that strong and truth be known, I didn't do it for myself, I did because my relationship is suffering and if things keep going the way the way the are, it really will mean the end of my relationship.

I decided honesty was the best way to deal with work and explained my mental health was struggling and was being admitted, thankfully they reacted better than I expected them too, so one less worry off my mind.

In a moment of blissful calm last night, I managed to understand one of the thoughts ripping through my head like a freight train that's the most predominant and the one causing so many issues, Paranoia, I'm consumed by it. Convinced others are talking about me behind my back, convinced my partner is about to run off with another woman, convinced they're both laghing about me behind my back and talking about me.

It also doesn't help that the last time I was admitted to hospital over 10+ years ago now, my partner at the time left me only a few weeks after discharge, so now I'm grappling with my head saying it's going to happen again and that this will destroy my relationship, despite the fact that I am trying to save it, so we as a couple can be stronger and have everything we once dreamed about.

I have never experienced anything like this before, I have never been so consumed by paranoia that's it's affected my relationships and ability to function and that I'm constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

[StuF]

@wild_rose 

I hope it goes well 🙂

[Flying_Hams]

@wild_rose
hey there and i hope your admission helps you find solace
I know from experience that I have found that to be the case whenever i have gone to be admitted
It's ultimately time to tune out from the crap that is going on isn't it?

[Eve7]

Sending lots of warm fuzzies and hoping this admission is a positive step in your journey @wild_rose 

I’ve spent time in hospital and this option you have sounds like a great opportunity.

💜🤗💜