Lived Experience Forum

[Bhadcupcake25]

Hi, I am a 19-year-old university student.

When I was 18 I met this guy on Tinder (18 at the time, turned 20 a few months ago). We went on two dates and then he told me he "wasn't ready for a relationship". However, we still talked on Snapchat for over a month straight. We also talked on and off after that.  He was very annoyed at me because I would post sad break-up quotes on Facebook and he knew they were about him. The last time we saw each other was in August 2019, where I kissed him and he ghosted me after telling me "he wanted to see me again". The next day he super liked my best friend on Tinder and asked her out, she told me he wasn't the nicest to me and he said to her "she (myself) is twisting sh*t, but believe what you want".

A few days before new years, a friend posted on Facebook that he had "passed this life on with the boys and just got himself in a relationship" Hearing this ruined me and I realised that when a guy tells you "he's not ready for a relationship" it means does not want to be with you.

I spent there so far 7 months of being together (as of Sunday) being obsessed with their relationship via social media and doing extremely compulsive things. He had told me "in the nicest way possible to please stop requesting his girlfriend and her friends too" when I decided to congratulate him on his relationship (I had wrongly requested her a few times and one of her friends that had heaps of mutual friends with me). In March I called him frantically telling him that he had hurt me which he "apologised" for. 

I had been very envious of their relationship. I have never been in a relationship and I am still a virgin (this guy wanted to have s*x with me but I told him that I am not easy). I had never seen a guy post so many happy and cute photos with his GF as all his social media DP's (one on fb looking at her holding drinks and another smiling like a madman next to her, wearing a sombrero) and cover images, putting just their initials with a rose emoji in their Instagram bio. He had also unfollowed Instagram models and other girls/ex's and had removed people (assuming them) from following him. Seeing a black and white polaroid image with her friends (including two that is also a couple) and they look the most romantic and are sharing a blanket. I saw her stories of them on cute Sunday/public holiday beach dates. All their friends and family have posted comments and images of them on their Instagram stories that they are the "cutest lovers" "he and she are taken by yours truly" (I had heard that people disliked her ex-bf but love this guy). I am also positive he deleted all photos with friends and only has images with his GF and that he bought her a Gucci bag lol. He has a Spotify playlist for her and never smiled around me or at all in images until I saw them with her. I had never been so envious in my life and I hate that feeling.

I have struggled to move on, comparing every guy I talk to, to him (especially the fact that he is a handsome tradie who is good with children and is funny) along with his relationship. Both he and his GF have blocked me along with one of his mates GF. He and his GF has caught onto my behaviour and I did beyond crazy compulsions to get his attention on social media and he told me to leave him alone (which sometimes I wouldn't). I became aware that I could get into serious trouble by authorities. 

I had hit rock bottom yesterday. His GF's friend (who was very pretty and is a different friend to the one I requested and was in the polaroid photo) found my viral TikTok's about tweets regarding guys named *Tory and another one of myself comparing my interests and "aesthetic" to her's, using images she saved on her Pinterest. She had verbally attacked me in the comments telling me in similar words (just change of name) that "*Tory is in a loving and committed relationship and I am embarrassing myself trying to break them up" that I should "stop comparing myself to an amazing woman" and reminding me that "he doesn't want me". It affected me terribly. All my obsessive thoughts felt so real. My parents have taken my mobile on me so I no longer keep hurting myself and others.

I have not been diagnosed with OCD formally but my psychologist is teaching me what it is and how I can minimise these thoughts that lead to compulsions. I also have very low self-esteem, mostly due to high school and primary school. I have compared myself to his GF and have felt worthless. She had the one thing that I could never have and has actually had more experience than me. And seeing her be so loved by so many people including his peeps made it feel 10x worst. At the moment, I can't look at myself in the mirror.

So I am beginning my journey to end this. To end these thoughts, and to move on and hopefully be in a happy relationship. I regret all of this and hate to announce that I am at the lowest point of my life and have had really terrible thoughts about my wellbeing. I was wondering if anyone had been through a similar experience, or we could support each other. I am happy to talk. 

[Dockers6]

Welcome to the forums Bhadcupcake25 - thank you for sharing your experiences.
I'm sure the amazing members will support and engage with you.

Dockers6

[Zoe7]

@Bhadcupcake25 There is a time in our lives that we all regret and all have had to take a step back, own up to our mistakes and find a way forward. It seems that you have now come to that point and want to move on. Take courage in knowing you have reached that point and have made the decision to let things go. It will no doubt be a hard road - and there may be many bumps along the way - but owning it, acknowledging how out of line you have been and the long lasting effect this experience has had on both you and others is a beginning - so now it is time to consciously work on your feelings, your actions and the consequences of those. The first step is always the hardest but you have made that now so continue to walk forward.

I would also suggest you engage with a professional to work through some of this if you haven't already. They can not only help you talk it out but help you to develop the skills and strategies to avoid a similar situation in the future by understanding why this has happened and how you can build up positive relationships ongoing.

[Bhadcupcake25]

Thank you so much