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Something’s not right

Senior Contributor

Comfort disadvantage

Hi all,

I agreed to participate in an activity with a friend but because of the discomfort of this activity I a put boundaries in place to try a keep myself feeling safe but this friend found a specific part of the activity that my boundaries did not cover and said we are definitely doing it but it also happens to be something that is not only uncomfortable but also extremely triggering. 


I feel hurt because this person knows what I have been through and how much I do not want to do it but insists that I have to because I didn't put a boundary on it and I promised.


Ive tried to talk to them but they are on listening


Re: Comfort disadvantage

Hey @BabyDragon.

The first thing I thought when I read your post was how brave and strong it is to have set boundaries to help you do something that you identified would be uncomfortable. I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like your friend isn't really getting the importance of you needing to keep yourself safe through this activity. I can see why you'd be feeling hurt right now.

I think it can take a lot to set boundaries. I know for me it is a work in progress in a big way, as I have had all kinds of experiences that mean setting boundaries can feel tricky (I have a feeling that's the case for many of us). Something kind of new to me is accepting that it is OK to need to adjust and change my boundaries as things happen. While I have some kind of idea of what may or may not feel and be OK with me, I also can't predict everything. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know how I'm going to feel as things come up.

It's super OK to have to revisit your boundaries and adjust them. You don't have to know or say in advance exactly what is going to be OK and what is not, and I think it's unfair to expect anyone to do that. It is also OK to not do something you've agreed to because it no longer feels right to, even if you promised.

I hope you can find some comfortable enough for you way through it soon.

Re: Comfort disadvantage

Thanks for replying @CheerBear, well this person did not listen to me and said that I couldn't change anything and guess what.... I apparently ruined the whole thing for them because I freaked and passed out and due to health and safety of place I had to have paramedics check me over before they would let me leave. Thankfully it's a small town and paramedics drove me home because my friend refused to. They go home tomorrow and sadly I don't think I will be inviting them back if I talk to them again

Re: Comfort disadvantage

Hi @BabyDragon, it is understandable why you feel frustrated, you have confided in your friend, set boundaries when going out and have felt pushed and triggered when those boundary lines have been pushed into territory that you aren't comfortable with. Have you told your friend how this made you feel? 

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