Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

I'm so pleased for you @Smc .... that's a load off ....

And pleased for your daughter that she has navigated this so well .... ❣

[Smc]

Ok, last night... 

We got a phonecall from our daughter about 7.30 - 8-ish, saying she was at casualty after some really bad flashbacks, and could we pick her up when she was finished there. Agreed to, she said she'd ring us when they took her in for treatment, since it usually takes about half an hour, which is our travel time to get there.

Picked her up about 10, got more details. Flashback had been vivid and distressing, so she'd cut her wrist to bring herself back to reality. Five stitches worth. By the time we picked her up, she was tired and hungry but in a fairly chirpy mood, so we took her to buy some takeaway dinner and then drover her home, relieved that she was in a good enough state of mind that we wouldn't need to pull out the quick overnight bag we'd put together in case she needed us to spend the night at her place.

But the bit that's bugging me is how "normalised" this has become. Our main concern after she rang the first time was making sure we had dinner before she rang again for pickup. If I stop to think about it, it's weird that she can go so quickly from doing herself damage and being in danger, to being calm and collected enough that we're confident she's basically safe overnight. I know when she was little, she'd cry and scream over any small cut or bump, with the result being that if one of her siblings started crying, we'd immediately go to find out what was wrong; but if it was her, we'd take our time, because it was probably a pinprick or paper cut. This almost feels like the same thing, but it's kind of scaled up... a lot...

Maybe part of it is a self protective thing. I guess when medical emergencies happen too often, you can't psychologically survive getting into the "fight or flight" mode every time. Part of it is maybe a bit of "cry wolf" response. Dunno. Brain and heart are tired, and perhaps are tuning out. I don't really like that, but at the same time I'm not up to dealing with the full emotional brunt of it either. Bleah....

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Smc ...... this is the “Teflon coating” that @suzanne has talked about previously on Carers ..... its a necessary emotional boundary that helps to protect carers from burnout ....., and that includes people on frontline carer careers like doctors, nursing staff, ambos, teachers in violent school settings, etc

Consider it a form of resilience that goes with the territory ..... it’s mot hard-heartedness, because that would see you walking away and not giving a fig ......

I have had to build resilience in my circumstances, but it’s not strong enough to reconnect with my mr. in the state he is still in,with the “self-medicating” lifestyle he has chosen ..... does that help you to see it ? Viewing someone else’s situation from that perspective ?

[Smc]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, yeah, that makes sense. I keep wondering if at some point the cumulative unfelt shock will come back to bite. Maybe will, maybe won't, if it does I'll just have to deal with it then. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I am in the same position to some degree @Smc ...... don’t know how I am underneath it all .....

[Smc]

I could imagine. We're thinking of you. (And praying.)

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you for sharing @Smc ..... 😔

Sounds similar to my D3, only we are far less along the track. I am concerned about how much paracetamol and ibuprofen she uses .... but I am also conscious it could be worse.

That must be soooo frustrating. We have a combination of there being something actually wrong, but not overdoing the treatment to try to resolve emotional pain with medications for the physical ..... so I am so grateful someone has now insisted that she go to a psychologist .,,,,..

I am sorry you understand our situation through the same sort of experience, but grateful also to have your understanding.

I hope it’s not you on ICE duty tonight ..... ☹️ ..., but who else is available ?

[Catcakes]

Sounds like an exhausting dilemma you face @Smc.
I can see why she would end up in hospital though because no nurse on call is going to be game enough to say “stay home and see how you go”. If she had rumbling appendix it could rupture causing peritonitis or an ectopic pregnancy call lead to internal haemorrhage.
Of course you know your daughter and her history so you can arrive at a different conclusion with more confidence.
So sorry to hear how wearying it is for you.
Hope it all gets sorted 🤞

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s so hard all round @Smc ...... while it is not something you can control, please try to find some peace in the moment, knowing that the anxiety rolling back into you is not good either ..... ☹️

(Speaking as much to myself, and possibly @Catcakes as to you ..... )

[Smc]

@Faith-and-Hope, I'm spending some time getting dirty fingers in the garden. Always a good way of getting some mental space. Thanks.