Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[nicole221087]

Hi everyone,

I am seeking some advice / guidance about caring for my father.

My father has lived his whole life with anxiety, and agrophobia that has gotten progressively worse since the passing of his mother 15 years ago.

He has had multiple hospital stays and is primarily cared for by his sister, who also lives next door.

My parents seperated when I was a baby and my Mum has done a good job at 'sheltering' me I guess. My father and I don't have a close relationship, but I do see him usually every month.

After his most recent stay in a mental health facility after an attempted suicide, my Aunty (his carer) has decided that she is burnt out and cannot continue to care for him. She has power of atorney and is pushing for him to be placed into a nursing home.

However, on Christmas Eve he was released from hospital and sent home. He is now calling me every day continually asking how he is going to get his medication. I have told him that I can come down once a fortnight or so (busy with being a teacher etc). I myself have had a small bout of anxiety after failed fertility treatment, and find that his constant anxiety and stress increases my own.

He is currently getting meals on wheels, but refuses to leave the house. Would he be best in a nursing home or hostel environment, even though he does not want to go, or are there other services out there (in the Sydney region), that could support him to stay in his own home?

I'm at a loss as to how to get the best for him, and found the public system to be of little help 😞

[supernova]

Hi nicole221087, 

Welcome to the Forums and thank you so much for your post. It sounds like you’re carrying quite a lot on your shoulders at the moment, trying to manage your own life as well as be there for your father as best you can. Caring for someone with a mental illness can be very stressful, so I sincerely hope you can find some support here on the Forums. 

The first thing that comes to my mind is what kind of mental health support does your father have beyond discharge from the hospital? Are any community mental health support services involved in his care? There are a number of government-funded programs that can provide outreach support, such as Partner’s in Recovery (PIR). PIR is different in every region, so the best thing to do is to find your local PIR provider here and contact them to find out how they may be able to support you and your father.

Also, I’m wondering if your father already receives or is eligible for a Home Care Package? While this is not specifically related to his mental health (and I’m certainly no expert in aged care), but these general support services might be able to provide your father with some in-home support and coordination of other services to take a bit of the pressure of you.

I hope these initial resources are helpful – look forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

supernova

[CherryBomb]

Hi @nicole221087

When you're trying to manage your own anxiety, caring for someone else who also has anxiety can be very difficult. 

Navigating your way through the mental health and aged care system can also be very confusing. To add to @supernova's informative post, it might be helpful asking your father what he feels would be appropriate care. When people feel like they are in control of making decisions, they're less likely to get resistant. Also, is it possible to share the load among your family members? You mentioned that your sister lives next door to him, and that your aunt cared for him but is feeling burnt out. Perhaps, it might helpful, sitting down together to talk about how you can care for him together?

You may also find connecting with others going through similar experiences helpful. @fedup also cares their father, and has written about it here, and @Jes_riot cares for her mother, which you can read about here. Feel free to add to their discussion threads.

Hope this helps a little.

CB

[ivana]

Hi,

Theres services like  https://www.silverchain.org.au/nsw if your dad is interested?

[PeppiPatty]

dear @nicole221087

groovy name
your daily wellbeing is the most important. Before amyones. Golly can i hear you having a small amount of anxiety.....
im a fulltime carer for my hisband. no matter what i say or do i think. 'will i be safe in doing rhis ? will i feel comfortable ?