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Something’s not right

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Desperate for answers for my daughter

My daughter is 19. Since approximately 6 years old I’ve known something wasn’t right, but no one (in the medical world) seems to hear me. Around 6 she was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated, which helped to calm her down, but didn’t fix anything else. It got To the point that I started thinking I was insane. Her moods are erratic, she lies to my face, even when she has been caught red handed, she steals money from myself, friends and family (she was not raised like that at all, I tried my best to instil good values I to her. She never went without anything, never went hungry etc etc) and the stupidest thing is she more or less sobs herself in! The latest one was a few days ago when she stole a large sum of money from a friend, then messaged me and told me she won that amount of money on a scratch ticket, but then told someone else the same story and said it was a different amount of money on a different day. So needless to say she was caught out in her lie she was confronted and we got the money back. But then a day later she claimed that she doesn’t remember it and she must have blacked out (she admitted the whole thing the day before 🤦‍♀️) she has terrible hygiene (again she was not brought up this way)  she seems to have no clue of appropriate language (as in there is a time and place that you say certain things) she speaks loud, even in public and even if we are speaking about something personal (there is nothing wrong with her hearing) she always tries to turn every conversation around to be about her or when giving a gift to someone will make a big deal of herself and her gift, if she is asked to wash dishes for example, she will try to hide them rather than wash them, ask her to put her dirty clothes out to be washed, she will also hide them. She hides empty food packets and containers in her room rather than put them in the bin. As soon as she has any money she will spend it on stupid things (I would expect this behaviour from a young teen, not a young adult) it’s almost as though she is spending money just for the sake of spending money. She spends her Centrelink money as soon as it hits her account and then expects everyone else to pay for everything for her. When she was 17 I went back to work and about 6 months in things went sour with my ex partner, so I told her I would pay her to babysit her younger siblings (they were 9 and 11 at the time, so there wasn’t not much to do really) but very quickly I found out she was hitting them and not only when she was babysitting them, whenever they would disagree with anything she would say she would hit them and call them terrible names. As a result I had to quit my job. Finally about 6 months ago She hit her siblings one too many times and I k icked her out, so she went to live with her father, I thought perhaps a different environment might help, maybe her father and his wife could help, however they have said to me they don’t know how I put up with her for 19 years and now they, like me are at wits end.


A few years ago her father was diagnosed with bipolar, so I took her to see a psychiatrist (unfortunately it was only a Medicare psychiatrist as I am not able to afford $400-$500 for her to see a private one) told the psychiatrist about her history and about her father and after about half an hour she said that she did not have bipolar (I expected she at least would have gotten her to do some sort of test or something, but nope, nothing). She is very promiscuous and often at inappropriate times or places. The thing I have found myself repeating over the years to Doctors etc is that consequences are of no consequence to her. When she was younger myself and then my dad took her to the police station (regarding her stealing) and got them to try and scare her, but that would only last a short time and then she would be back to her old behaviour. Oh yes and back to the other day when she took the money from my friend after she had been confronted about it and I had told her how disappointed I was etc, she then asks me if we are still ok to go out for coffee in the next few days ... I was dumbfounded, if I had been in her shoes I would have left it a day or so and asked. 


There is is so much more that I just can’t think of at the moment, I just feel like I am a whinge whiney Mum, but my gut instinct tells me there is more to it... I want to get help for my daughter and help her becoming a functioning part of society. I am so scared that the next step for her will be jail


Re: Desperate for answers for my daughter

I would do some extensive research into ADHD medication side effects then you can connect the dots to why she is stealing your money. Other addictions would be a hint.

Re: Desperate for answers for my daughter

Hi @JMC 


Welcome to the SANE Forum – it's great that you've found your way to this supportive community.  You're understandably really concerned about your daughter's behaviour which has had a huge impact on yourself and the rest of the family. Sometimes it can take a while (and a number of assessments) to obtain a diagnosis that seems to make sense of what is going on for someone. Whatever is going on for your daughter it sounds as though some professional support might help her to get back on track and improve her ability to manage her mental health. 


I wonder if there is a Headspace Centre near you? Headspace offers free holistic mental health support to young people (12–25 years) with a focus on: mental health and wellbeing, physical and sexual health, work and study support, and alcohol and other drug services. You might encourage your daughter to connect with this youth-friendly service or alternatively you might like to drop in yourself and discuss the situation with someone there. They may also have some ideas about how you can look after yourself and your other children while all of this is going on. You can locate your closest centre at the following link:

I hope that is a bit useful.

Re: Desperate for answers for my daughter

@JMC  Hi JMC as I was reading this I thought damn I know what what the problem is with your daughter. I suggest you google the symptoms that your daughter has and you will get your answer quite quickly. Plus she needs a good psychiatrist. They are around any many do not charge the scheduled fee. Wishing you good luck. pea





























































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