Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[InNeedOfHellp]

My 16 yo daughter has an eating disorder and is a self Harmer. Initially she was seeing a psychologist to help with the harming, then the eating disorder appeared. Now she sees our GP, her psychologist and a counsellor. Through all of these professionals I have received only one had out on eating disorders. I've researched a lot on both topics myself but am failing to find the advice or help I need. As my daughter is only newly diagnosed I realise it's going to be a long road for us all. I have an older son who has moved out and three younger daughters, 5 children in total. <br>My daughter is being supervised by us for dinner and breakfast, then sitting quietly. I need to go back to work, how do I supervise her breakfast? Do you involve the younger children (14,11,9)? I'd just love to hear what others are doing. I found her eating disorder took over an hour after her meal last night, so we have lengthened quiet time to see if we can over come this. I've spoken to her and she says she wants to fix her eating disorder. She has a boyfriend and is finding it challenging to see him as we require her to eat at home so she can be supervised, he's welcome here, but this annoys her as she wants to go out.<br>I feel lost, I feel so unprepared, I feel alone and am trying so hard to find the information I need. I'm scared of introducing this to my younger girls, so worried they may also follow her. I know I shouldn't worry, they are healthy with out an once of extra weight for them to worry about, we don't talk of weight, diets etc. Never have. I can't supervise lunch as she's at school, I am going to see if the counsellor at the school has any ideas, she's not there every week though. How do you cope with every thing new that pops up? How do you manage when everything looks fine, then you find her writing about weight and suicide ( I immediately informed the professionals) ? I have 4 other children who need me and my husband too, it's hard as it seems each time our attention is on the others my daughter gets worse. The balancing act is very hard, how do you cope? <br>Thank you for your time.

[EDV]

Hi

I am a volunteer at Eating Disorders Victoria and thought I may be able to help a little.  It sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment but it’s great that your daughter is seeing someone and wanting to get help.  The challenge is always harder when there are siblings involved and it is really a personal choice as to whether to include them or not.  Perhaps ask your daughter how she feels about this and if she is happy for them to be involved then speak to the other children to see how they feel. It’s hard to know how    much to tell them at a young age and it is not necessary to go in to a lot of detail. It may help them to understand why there is a lot of attention on their sister and why the family dynamics have changed. 

Having gone through a similar experience with my daughter I understand how stressful and challenging this situation can be.  I found it helpful to share with close friends as it helped me to not feel as isolated.  We have support groups for family and friends that you may like to consider as well.  Sometimes you may feel more comfortable talking to an outsider also experiencing these feelings.

Link to support group information: www.eatingdisorders.org.au/find-a-support-group   

Speaking to the school counsellor is a great idea as they may also suggest that her friends come to see her as well with her permission.  My daughter came to an agreement with her friends about sitting with her for support at lunchtime and this helped a great deal.  Regarding breakfast, maybe this would be a great time to include the siblings and encourage them all to sit together to eat if you are going to be at work. Just like the agreement my daughter made at school, this could be the agreement you make at home.

We have psychologists here at EDV who can provide guidance and support for parents/families so this may be something to think about.

You may also be interested in visiting the link below; it is an online community of parents of eating disorder patients around the world. ADTD is a moderated 24/7 forum and has connected and supported parents since 2004.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org

The book: Skills based learning for caring for a loved one with an eating disorder - by Author Janet Treasure et al, is also a great book to read if you are interested.

Hope this has helped a bit and please feel free to call our helpline on 1300 550236 if there is anything else you would like to talk about.

All the best,

Hepline Team member (Eating Disorders Victoria)

[NikNik]

Hi @InNeedOfHellp 

I just wanted to check in and see how things are travelling for you.

I hope you found the information from @EDV helpful.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Nik