Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Maze]

Hi I'm new to the forum and don't really know where to start. My hubby is a 46yr old highly skilled tradie who had a nervous breakdown a few years ago resulting in a hospital stay. He suffers fron clinical depression and uses alcohol to self medicate. He says he isn't ready to deal with his drinking as he needs to sort out the issues in his head, which he says make him drink, first. He has seen a psychiatrist but they have signed him off until he agrees to stop drinking and haven't suggested any other support. I'm finding this the same with most "help". He has been unemployed for a couple of years, although he has worked for himself in between bad times. He managed to get a well paid managers job a few weeks before christmas and was great over that time. Unfortunately when he returned to work after christmas his boss apparently laid him off. It's a long story but the job opening was created for him as his boss wanted to expand. He says his boss has changed his mind and cant afford him but on Friday I saw the same job advertised. I suspect he's not telling me the truth. Since then he's gone downhill fast. He doesn't drink when he's working - his now routine is: out of bed about lunchtime, coffee, bottleo for a 10 pack cider and home to sit and watch tv. I get no support from family as they tend to critise him not working and sitting watching tv. He thinks he'll be better once he's working and it will but I wonder for how long? Sitting watching tv doesn't get you a job! We also rent my mothers property on 20 acres and have horses. I'm left to manage that as well as working and looking after the house. I have exhausted every channel of help I can, ie personal helpers and mentors, and initially he takes part but once he's feeling better he doesn't contact them so they again sign him off. I feel like I'm going around in circles! If I ask him what I can do to help he shrugs and says he'll be ok. I've been looking into psychotherapy as another option. Has anyone else tried this?

[NikNik]

Hi @Maze 

Welcome to the Forums, although I wish it was under better circumstances.

The whole link between alcohol and mental illness is a bit 'chicken and egg'. Which causes what, and where to start resolving it. Very tricky.

In my experience, treatment for a mental illness and alcohol abuse go hand in hand and have to happen similtaniously, rather than one before the other.

There's a great discussion for wives caring for husbands where @lucky shares the benefits she experiences going to AI-Anon Family Groups , which is for those who live with people who have a problem with alcohol.

Welcome again to the forums. I hope you find them useful.

Nik

[tulip]

i tried psychotherapy some years ago and it was good when i found the right therapist/psychologist eventually. saw a lot of bad ones first though. good ones are very hard to find sometimes. good luck with everything. i hope you are o.k.

[Maze]

Thanks for your reply. I did look up the meetings. Unfortunately they are all some distance away. Resources are always harder to obtain when you live rural. Just knowing there are others in the same situation. He's picked up since I last wrote and this morning he had some good news- a possible job. Working gives him the incentive to get up in the mornings and deal with his drinking and other issues. As a result of feeling better he's gone to play golf with a friend.

[Maze]

Hi Tulip,

can you recommend a good one in the north? Did you find the treatment was beneficial?

I am ok thanks- had a bit of a private meltdown in frustration the other night- sometimes I have to to make sure I'm staying sane. lol. It's the lack of understanding from others around which hurts. It would be nice if occasionally they would phone/ call in just for a chat with him but it doesn't happen.

[lucky]

Hi Maze

I really feel your pain and anxiety that you have shared. It must be a huge worry! What hit me - reading your sharing - was that it was all about HIM! That was me too, with a husband who (still) drinks every night, although he does have a job. I have found enormous help and support for my "Dilemma of the alcoholic marriage" by attending Al-Anon Family Groups. They understand because they have experienced similar problems and they DON'T judge you! Also no contracts to sign and you can come and go, as you please. They recommend attending 6 meetings, to see if it is for you. It is really a tremendous relief to know others understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic! Just call 1300 252 666 (to find a meeting near you) or go to the website: www.al-anon.alateen.org/australia

Best wishes

Lucky

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Maze 

It can be very tricky treating MH issues and D&A issues, as @NikNik pointed out, it can be like the chicken and egg problem.

I thought I might chime in on this to discussion to suggest some other places you can try: 

- Counselling Online, which provides free professional drug and alcohol counselling online 24/7 for anyone affected by substance abuse issues (includes carers).

- Family Drug Helpline  1300 660 068 - speak to a person who has had first hand experience caring for someone with substance abuse issues.

- Australian Psychological Society (APS) - I noticed that you asked @tulip to recommend to a therapist. While I know finding an appropriate therapist can be difficult, we ask that members refrain from providing referrals to specific therapists. This is because people can have very different experiences of the one therapist - what one finds helpful another might not. But may I suggegst searching for a psychologist who suits your husband's needs? On the APS website, you can search by area of expertise. Medicare may also be able to cover, or provide a rebate for counselling sessions. It's a good idea to get in contact with the psychologist first to see how much of the rebate covers beforehand. Then you can get a referral from a doctor.

Hope some of this is useful. 

CB