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Something’s not right

wild_rose
Senior Contributor

Emotional Overload

I'm currently in emotional overload and I'm not coping with anything. Everything is too much and I just can't take much more.

 

I can no longer regulate my emotions and I feel like I have lost control of them and myself along with it. Everything gets to me, the smallest things are enough to set me into a firey and intense rage, panic, anxiety or into self loathing and depression.

 

I can never tell from day to day which emotion is going to pop up, it's like an unlucky dip. Somedays I can experience all of them. I tired an exhausted and only ever seem to finally get the quiet I crave when I'm asleep, but once I'm awake it starts to come flooding back with an intensity I have never felt before.

 

I have never felt so out of control, so unhinged the smallest of sentences can hurt and have me lashing out screaming, all the while at the same time realising this isn't me or what I want to be like.

 

My unstable mood is taking its toll.on my partner of 10 years as he feels sometimes like anything he says or do is going to set me off and feels like he can't say anything anymore. He can't even pick up his phone anymore around me without me asking who he's talking to and what he's doing and then acussing of talking about me.

 

I rang my case worker yesterday and she mentioned a short stay in hospital, my partner and I talked about last night and I started crying as I realised this is the only option I have left in an attempt to get a grip on things. I have to call her this morning to organise it.

 

I fough so hard to stay out of hospital, to try and get better better at home, where I'm comfortable, have my partner and little dogs to help. I honestly feel like a failure. I just want to go back to before all this to before this 'episode' when I was calmer and could at least manage things, back to before everything become so hard, back to before every single day was such a struggle

11 REPLIES 11

Re: Emotional Overload

Hi wild rose,
It’s sounds like you have put my story on paper.I hope and pray when you get to hospital they will ease your emotional roller coaster and things will return to normal for you. I only wish I was stronger to seek the same support. Wishing you all the best in this journey 😊🌺

Re: Emotional Overload

Hi @wild_rose 

 

Sounds like good people are looking out for you and you have good support network.  Good luck with your stay and please keep in touch. 

 

 

Re: Emotional Overload

Oh, One last thing @wild_rose .. If you feel up to it, maybe have a chat with your partner and your support worker about doing an advanced directive.. This might help you put your mind at ease about how you want to be treated and the ways in which you don't want to be treated such as certain medications and treatment types.

Re: Emotional Overload

I know how you feel @wild_rose, you pretty much just described my every day to a T so you're definitely not alone in this, there's a fair few people on here and out in the big world that go through what you are so, hopefully you can find people to connect with here and share how you're feeling.

 

Please don't feel like a failure for going to the hospital though, sometimes we just need that extra helping hand and that's okay. So keep your chin up and hopefully you're feeling a bit better soon!

Re: Emotional Overload

And just like that I'm on the verge of tears because I've told him I love today 3 times and I haven't got an I love you back and I wasn't the first person he messaged when he got on lunch.
I feel so pathetic, I know it's irrational but I just can'ts stop feeling like this.

Re: Emotional Overload

Hi, this post really resonated, know that you are not alone, nor a failure for needing a hospital stay, sometimes it is exactly what we need, some respite for when things get too much. In my life, I have had a total of 6 hospital stays (both long and short), and they have been beneficial and necessary each time. Best of luck on your road to recovery, and hopefully your hospital stay leads to a reprieve from your current distress 😊

Re: Emotional Overload

sounds like theres so much going on @wild_rose alot of emotions at once it seems ,I remember a few months back feeling out of control emotionally as youve described self loathing and depression was at its worst ,along with bouts of crying ,yelling ect please know your not alone with that feeling I really did not like feeling that way at that time either,Maybe Lockdowns have made you feel less in control? or just life in general? please take good care of yourself ok and you always have friends on here to listen and talk to,Heart your friend LostAngel

Re: Emotional Overload

Heartwhat you have described as happening for you is not something you can do alone. I know hospital can be overwhelming for most because I too avoid being in that sometimes challenging environment especially when you're away from loved ones. I know it was a difficult decision to make but it also sounds like you are just as alone at home when you can't share or articulate what's going on for you and the longer you don't address it I'm sure you can see negative outcomes from not getting on top of this now. Being in hospital, I believe is the best and also bravest decision you have made. There's no need to suffer in silence it only damages us more. Reaching out for help is the right decision and I'm sure one you won't regret. So be still and confident with your decision without worry because there is help available and you have made the first step. 

Re: Emotional Overload

Hey everyone, thanks for all your replies and support.

My partner has tried supporting me as much as he can but is having trouble dealing with all my emotions at the moment as it's practically every day I'm spewing them forth and as much as he's tried helping I know deep down that there's only so much he can take too.

I really hope that this stay as an inpatient helps me to mange better and help me to find better and more healthy ways to process, what I'm going through and hopefully regain control again.

I haven't told work yet, I've only just started back after a round of surgery, the thought of telling them makes me sick to stomach, I don't think they would understand mental health issues as I'm not too sure of the culture gap and their stance on it so to speak.

I'm also scared of losing my job because we need the money, but I know it's not something I can control or should worry about at the moment, it's a problem for tomorrow.

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