Lived Experience Forum

[Earthsucks]

Actually I'm certain. But for the sake of not offending anyone, I'll say "think" because I haven't been formally diagnosed.

Disclaimer; this is a long paragraph. With lots of sub-questions. And scattered thoughts. Because if you didn't know "scatter brain" is also a symptom of schizophrenia and is one of my severe symptoms, luckily it's not one people usually pick up on and just think I have low attention span.

What is the process of getting diagnosed? How do you go about it? Who's the best person to go? What do you tell them? Is it worth getting diagnosed?

I have positive symptoms not negative. I'm not lacking anything. But my positive symptoms are quite severe when I'm alone. I can control the obvious symptoms when I'm around people because I'm scared for people to notice and think that there is something wrong with me.

I just want to live a normal life but I struggle too. I know getting diagnosed and telling people and associations (I have to deal with) will make people be more understanding and less against me when I struggle to do things expected of me but I'm scared it'll prevent me from living a normal life or people looking at me completely differently. Will I be allowed to drive? (Because I do hallucinate & become delusion, and my vision goes weird like there is holes piercing through). Will I be able to get a normal job? Will people hire me if I'm schizophrenic but can control majority of it when I'm around people? Do they have to know? Will I be able to get a loan someday to buy a house?

I want to know if being diagnosed and getting help is worth it if I can/can't have a normal life. 😞

I've had symptoms since a young age. I had a traumatic experience when I was 4-5 and started having "imaginary friends" at 6, but now I'm almost 21 and when do "imaginary friends" stop being imaginary and they're no longer "friends", more like demonic evil things trying to suck and feed off my energy. YES I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY. And when I first started to believe there was a demonic energy living in my house trying to feed off my energy and make me negative and "that's why I'm depressed" because the energy eating spirit is taking my energy, AND ONLY MINE IN MY HOUSE. It's there FOR ME. Out to get me. I told people because I didn't realise it was schizophrenia and I all of a sudden got insanely spiritual and looked for spiritual answers in everything since November of 2016. And everyone asked if I was doing drugs and I literally have never touched a psychedelic or hallucinogen in my entire life.

If the way I've described anything offends anyone I'm sorry. But I just want to know the process and how do I start and do it? And if it's worth it? Will I give up my chances of a normal life? I don't want to have to rely or be forced onto medication 😞 or shock therapy 😞
My parents don't even accept my anxiety / depression and I've been diagnosed 😞

Is it possible to see a hypnotherapist and they wipe my memory of my whole life? And I just make a scrap book of all the things I want to remember before it happens so I can read over it and know who my parents are and people actually close to me. But forget the traumatic experience that triggered this imbalance in my brain. Does hypnotherapy even work???? Even if it worked for 10 years and the memories came back at least I'd have 10 years 😞

Also I'm recently involved with someone, should I tell him? I'm scared to and I would NEVER hurt him or anyone. But am I trapping him by not telling him? What if I have a psychotic episode beyond my control in front of him?
I've gotten so bad right now depression and anxiety wise that I can't control crying and sometimes I cry for no reason and literally can't stop. 😞 the last time I was like this .... (the rest below explains what happened last time but it could trigger someone and I don't want to do that)

TRIGGER WARNING IN A SEC

...$:&/&/@/&5$4&/&;&:&/&/&:!; giving space for people to stop reading if they get triggered.

I tried to commit suicide last year due to all the feelings that I couldn't control. I was put on antidepressants after it for a couple months but they scare me, honestly all medication does because it made me numb, I honestly felt like if someone put a gun to my parents head in front of me and shot them dead I wouldn't cry and my response would be "all well" like that's what the antidepressants did to me. I don't want to be emotionless 😞 I just need to sort the brain fog 😞 If life coaches were free that would help 😞 but they're not and I'm not rich.

ADVICE PLEASE! I've had these issues since I was 6, didn't start to realise until I was 15. And am finally trying to accept it at almost 21.

[Margot]

Hi @Earthsucks

I'm Margot, nice to meet you 😊

You've done really well to connect with our forums and to take that first step in understanding your experience and seeking help. 

The best next step would be to chat with your GP an they can refer you to a mental health clincian for assessment and support. 

Everyone's experience of mental ilness is different, and it's absolutely possible to do all the things you want to do, like get a job and buy a house, with the right support along the way. 

I can see that you're pretty new to the forums too, so welcome! You might like to introduce yourself to our community here. 

Wish you all the best with your help-seeking journey.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Earthsucks

Everyone's personal life experiences, circumstances and personalities; levels of will, strength, values, beliefs, determination and outlook can be very unique and differ; as can be the traumas, abuses, perception and/or genetic make-up that may trigger mental illness - but there are "commonalities of symptoms" with a mental illness that others who have "suffered similarly can relate to that makes peer to peer support invaluable and comforting". That which makes us feel not alone - you are not. A lot of what you described are "very common" occurrences for others who have experienced mental health episodes. 

I am a survivor of childhood abuse that was covered up - I suffered psychosis, multiple personality disorder now relabelled DIDS), for a short period when a child that was a result of this trauma - resulting from the psychological and physical damage inflicted. I have never had a repeating episode of psychosis since and resolved on its own - but struggled with anxiety and depression to varying degrees, but have managed to have a very happy long marriage and successful career, and now volunteer work which I love..

My brother diagnosed at 18 and is still being treated at age 43 for paranoid schizophrenia - which was triggered for the same reasons innthe same household . His condition could not be covered up to those around him when he had a mental breakdown at 18 without medication - medication is a necessity for my brother to function in any manner. His systems are positive. Negative symptoms are even more disabling. There are various degrees of schizophrenia that a person can suffer from that effects their varying ability to work, their perception of reality and their ability to cope/function in there every day to day life. But it is treatable and can be controlled where a better quality of life can be obtained.

Seeking a professional diagnosis from an experienced psychiatrist and then adhering to a treatment programme is essential for stability with this disorder. They label disorders in the bid to categorise a host of symptoms in the aid to give the best treatments that will help relieve the symptoms for the sufferer. So a correct diagnosis is essential in leading to the right fit of treatments. And it can be trial and error for a bit until that fit is found.

Also when symptoms settle form medication, it is really important to seek counselling to aid in healing from any trauma that may have triggered the illness - to be able to let it go and not live in the past. That way we are dealing with it and then by letting it go the mind no longer dwells on - it then loses its power over our lives where we can come back to living in the present moment. That's the best way to forget. Therapy also aids in learning ways to cope with the emotional pain in order to not become stuck in it.

My brother did not want to be on medication and his illness disgenerated when he was off it. He improved with treatment and was able to work for many years. He now works part time at age 43 - that is his personal functioning ability and is making the most of it and it is happy to be working. But he never pursued or received therapy or counselling in any form - which I believe would of further improved his quality of life and mental health. He never addressed, spoke about or dealt with the cause. 

Like with any illness it depends on our strength of will and positive outlook to how well we overcome the odds, to how fast we heal and to how well we cope and function day to day - together with getting the "right support" and "sound professional help" along the way. All round healing. For me personally and what I have witnessed with others - talking about how we are feeling is paramount towards taking the first steps towards recovery to a point where we have a better quality of life. Well done for reaching out. Suppression of what we are going through and isolating ourselves will leading to "overthinking" which feeds the depression, anxiety and any associating mental health symptoms and can place us at risk. I am so glad you are talking about it and encourage you to keep reaching out here and in real life to people who will listen.