Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

As some may already know my sister had her baby yesterday shortly after bubs birth they both had complications, my sister is stable now and is set to be discharged from the hospital on Tuesday if she stays good, my nephew is a different story his heart rate keep dropping he is on a full oxygen mask and has IV lines and cords everywhere including a feeding tube. Drs have now confirmed that he has an infection that his body is not coping with. I haven't been to the hospital yet trying to let my sister and her partner focus on bubs even babysitting their other 3 kids so they don't have to worry about them and can keep attention on bubs.

People around me have said to prepare for the worst how do I do that

[Razzle]

@Former-Member  I’m so sorry to hear your sister and bubs are not doing well. I can’t answer your question on how do you prepare for the worst, honestly, how can you prepare?  All you can do is be a support for your sister wether things become good, or things go horribly bad.

It isn’t until you are faced with adversity that you discover how strong and capable you are.  I lost my 9yo son in a car accident 12 years ago, he was airlifted to a city hospital and remained on life support for around 3 days with massive head injuries.  

I knew the end was coming, but I was never prepared for it, I don’t think I ever could have prepared for it.  At the time I still had another 2 children relying on me, plus a husband that had been injured in the accident.  I guess this is where a strength you never knew you had comes to the surface, or maybe it’s just survival mode, I don’t really know for sure.

Whatever happens, somewhere deep inside you’ll find a strength to support your sister and her family.  I really hope everything goes well for bubs, and this will all just be a story you can tell the little one on how much of a fright he gave everyone when he was born.  Fingers crossed for everyone involved, I hope he is home soon healthy and well.

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  I really feel for you, your sister and her partner, and the new bub at this difficult time.  I think you're already doing the best thing you could be to support them looking after the other kids.  I know from personal experience (3 month premmie baby that survived but legally blind - now 30 years old) that even what the hospitals do to supposedly prepare you for all possible outcomes - does NOT prepare you.  Shock, grief, acceptance - they are all things which only time can help with, and even then we have times of coming to terms with things and times where heavy feelings rise to the surface.  The best advice I could give is do your best to be open to change, whatever unfolds you are clearly there comitted to supporting your sister and her family.  

Having lost my next child on exactly this day I find the suggestion that someone can just have another one extremely insensitive.  Some things you never get over.  

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

You can't prepare for the worst - we don't have any idea until it happens

I know my son was suicidal and he completed suicide when he was 16 - I knew this was going to happen but I had no idea and no one can - 

But we are here to support each other so some support is being offered -which is good to read

You can help by caring for the other kids atm - your sister will be hormonal and really likely to be all over the place right now - and actually - you are too - your whole family will be on the edge - which is tough

And care for yourself too - take faith from whatever power you believe in and hold on tight - this time will pass but it is tough - one of my cousins died at 36 hours - and she would have been brain-damaged - but it is a loss regardless

I know from experience there are no right words but there is a lot of love in the forums - sending some myself now

Dec

[Former-Member]

 

Dr Phil's book "Real Life" helped me a lot with this topic 🙂 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Former-Member. Just checking in to see how you're going today?

Really feeling with you with what you're experiencing at the moment. I haven't had the experience of having such an unwell newborn like this and can only imagine the fear and maybe helplessness and sadness you might be experiencing at the moment.

Looking after your sister's other children would be such a helpful thing for her. Are you managing to do anything to look after you through this time too?

I can't see how I could prepare for the worst with something like this. I think all I could do is hope that the worst doesn't happen and trust in the team and the medicine that would be looking after your nephew. I think I'd also try to take each moment as it comes, though I think I'd struggle not to get too far ahead also.

I don't think too many people expect birth to be perfect but I do think most people in our country would expect mothers and babies to survive childbirth. I am thankful that modern medicine allows us to live with that expectation. It would be devastating to be confronted by a situation that challenges that.

Thinking of you

[kylee]

Hi Babydragon, 

Maybe one way you could prepare is to choose who would be the most understanding and available support people to rely on during this difficult time. Trust is a big thing especially when you are vulnerable and some people can add to our burden instead of lightening it. I find it helps me to pick people who have proven to be compassionate and non-judgmental in the past. If I consider what a person is likely to say based on their nature I am more likely to open up to those who respond with the comfort I need than those who might inadvertently make me feel worse. ❤️