Lived Experience Forum

[Nachetino]

And realistic enough to know that i dont want to live like this.

Feel socially acquard. Feel out of place. Realized that ive been a loner. Have low self steem. Lack of confidence. Feeling stupid. Anxious. Fake. All my life feeling like this. When you’re a kid, you don’t tend to express it as everything is new and normal to you.
After suffering a nervious breakdown, I constantly found people staring at me, im i weird? Do i seem crazy? Theres definitely something going on if i surprise them staring at me constantly at social events or if i engage with someone in the street or a shop.
Am I acting odd? I dont realize it until i notice the stares and the polite quick chit chat before they turn around and go to another person. Am i boring? Maybe. Im not stupid, definitely not, but something is going on. And i dont like feeling this way, and i wouldnt be able to live knowing that i have a mental illness that will completely change the way i see my life, past present and furure. How is suicide not a valid option?

[greenpea]

@Nachetino Hi Nachetino welcome to Forumland. Firstly don't worry many intelligent people go 'crazy' very intelligent people thinking of Vincent Van Gogh as one example. Mental Illness does not discrimate between those who are 'intelligent' and those who are not. It is an evil disorder which strikes throughout a social spectrum.

Now have you seen your trusted gp regarding your problems? that would be my first point of call. If you have then maybe it is time to be referred onto a good psychologist or psychiatrist for further evaluation. Wishing you all the best. gp

[Appleblossom]

Getting a supportive mental health team can make a real difference. @Nachetino 

Suicide is very final and often there are many things that you can do to make a meaningful life.

Often people in social situations just want to keep it light at a level they are comfortable with.  

Go gently with yourself.

[Violetdelrey]

Sounds like anxiety, I suffer from anxiety and it doesn’t help that I’m going through psychosis. I find it really hard going to work when I’m not well. I’ll have panic attacks and it’s gotten to the point where the girls at work just think I’m a mess and there’s always aaaalways the whispers about me. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be a loner tho because I used to surround myself with really shit, toxic people and now I’m the happiest I’ve been because I don’t have drama in my life. I might be unwell but I was a lot worse when I felt like the people around me didn’t have my back, now I have my own back. There’s that saying from rupaul “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else” and it’s true to get through the anxiety of worrying what other people think and what other people say you need to learn to love yourself and get yourself better and then you’ll eventually not give a truck about what other people think. Sorry if this wasn’t any help hope you’re doing better now