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Something’s not right

Serenity1
Senior Contributor

Let down

After going to hospital appointments with a doctor since beginning of December onwards & practically begging for help & support- each time he told me they would give me support, he would organise a social worker for me & I should do the groups they offer- I would go home nothing would happen next appointment went exactly the same like Groundhog Day- 

every appointment I went to I had to take my 7 year old daughter-( school holidays)- who sat in the room with me- although I did not feel comfortable discussing such traumatic things infront of her I gave her my phone to distract her & reluctantly did - all because of the promise of help!-which I knew I desperately needed!- this support, social worker & groups- (

these groups I attended when I had post natal depression & agoraphobia so badly after my daughter was born almost 8years ago that I could not enter the mother & baby unit at the hospital to get the help I needed because my agoraphobia was so bad it would not let me)-These groups were the main thing in my recovery back then from agoraphobia- so was really looking forward to going to them as they were the only thing that helped before. 

I got a phone call yesterday saying I couldn't go to the group program- when I questioned why- I was told "IV already attended & been given the chance to learn the skills & it is not an ongoing thing that you can keep going back to "- I went 8 years ago!! I can't remember anything learnt back then & just because I went once 8 years ago doesn't mean I am cured  for the rest of my life- I am just as bad- if not worse now- as my mother has died who was my support person & I have isolated myself from other family due to their ongoing abuse--mental illness has a cyclic nature of getting better & worse going round & round-& I have suffered so much trauma since then. 

I asked about a social worker- the response I get was " What For?"-

i am so frustrated, & let down by the system I just want to give up--

& the worst part of it all is - I had exposed my daughter to everything that I said which I would NEVER NEVER NEVER do-BUT for the fact I was completely desperate for help & was being promised help that did not ever come- they discharged my case- no explanation-& now My DAUGHTER is suffering because of Being dragged along to these appointments & it was completely all for nothing.

 I feel I have damaged my child by trying to get help for myself & have been turned away. 

They tell me to contact a certain agency for help- which is the agency I have been having trouble with the support worker I was given & cannot get through to them at all & they don't call me back!

the support worker I had told me she would put in a request for a new worker for me on 2Jan when their office opened & a third party told me she did not do that like she told me but instead went on holidays & didn't put in the request & they just don't call me back at all & I am starting to really take it personally because how long does it take to contact someone who is clearly in distress & needs support? 

I am so worried about my child because I can see a huge change in her-she is struggling at school- having trouble making friends and she has always been so happy confident & strong-& had so many friends & I feel responsible for taking her to the appointments that have eventuated in nothing!

 I feel so let down by the system it is a complete waste of time & joke 

22 REPLIES 22
Eden1919
Senior Contributor

Re: Let down

@Serenity1  i am sorry this sounds horrible. do you have the funds for private treatment options? if you do i would suggest finding a private psychologist or if there are any other private or no government organisations that run support groups. it is really frustrsating that people cant get help when they need it. 

Re: Let down

Hi @Serenity1 , I'm sorry to read so much as been going on for you. It can feel very hopeless and guilt sounds like a big thing regarding your daughter.

But I am also reading the resilience and the fighting spirit you do have - despite that it might feel hopeless right now - and that you have tried a lot of things. 

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions about riding this initial wave of discomfort? 

A famous saying I cannot remember who said...'this too shall pass' comes to mind. As much as it might feel like it wouldn't pass...

Take care of yourself. Thecolourblue

Re: Let down

@Serenity1  Hi Jojo7 I agree totally with @Eden1919  in trying to get a private psychologist/psychiatrist. I have found a wonderful private psychiatrist and now have a mental health nurs who looks after me 24/7. I couldn't do it without either of them. I am only on the carer's pension but it is worth it. I have used the public system in the past and found it very ordinary so wouldn't go back. As for your daughter in truth I wouldn't take her to appointments. If that meant organizing a baby sitter from an agency so be it. That is not a dig at you please do not think that I just don't think kids need to hear/see their mum in distress. 

 

BTW you sound a lovely person and this situation will pass as @thecolourblue  rightly says it is not forever so bear that in mind. Take good care of yourself. Love greenpea xx

Nay69
Senior Contributor

Re: Let down

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I can feel your pain and anguish. Are you okay right now?

It sounds like you NEED support sweetheart, not just for you, but for your little girl. I can relate because I am a mum too with a young girl who looks to me for guidance.

 I am not going to tell you what you should do, I am just going to be here to support you whenever you need me okay :ok_hand: 

Take care and be kind to you 🌹

Re: Let down

Thankyou for your support- I am looking into it now- this has Really taken its toll on me though & I feel worse than I did when I first started these appointments- which was pretty close to breaking -& have to now help my daughter also- I don't feel I will cope which is scary 💖

Re: Let down

Re: Let down

@thecolourblue Thankyou- yes guilt is eating me alive- I feel I have damaged my child & I only took her along to the meetings is because I was promised support which did not eventuate- I felt I was going to break down if I didn't access help , I regret going to the appointments big time! Thankyou 💖

Re: Let down

@greenpea I completely agree with you that I should not have exposed my daughter at all- that is what I am struggling with now- I was not thinking clearly and have no family or friends to ask for babysitting as I have completely isolated myself as a result of abuse & trauma- I didn't even know babysitting agencies exist- but doubt I would have had the ability to organise it because of the state I was in. I honestly thought I was doing the best thing- the only thing I could to get help as I was desperate & all other agencies had closed over Xmas holidays-(although I would have the same problem of having my daughter w me anyway)-I was told I would get help & support repeatedly & that is the only reason I continued to go because I was desperate- then I was discharged with no support or help that was promised- nothing & I put my daughter through it all for nothing- I am devastated & I hate what I have done- they wouldn't let her sit outside the room for safety reasons- I geuss incase of other patients--thanks for your kind words 💖

Re: Let down

@Nay69 Thankyou so much- I honestly don't think I am ok right now- I feel completely devastated & I am really scared I feel like I'm not coping- I have insomnia & keep feeling physical waves of guilt that I can't seem to stop - I don't know how to snap myself out of it-I have really bad paranoia which is something I have not really had before- like did I do something wrong to be rejected by them? I am trying to be strong for my daughter but I am really struggling with what I have allowed to happen- I am not going to hurt myself or anyone tho 💖 Thankyou so much!
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