Lived Experience Forum

[Lillypad86]

Hey everyone. I am new (only just signed up tonight, as per recommendations by my psychologist).
I am looking for some words or wisdom of finding hope. I feel like I am in this dark void, that seems to be consuming me terribly. I am allowing it to consume me, and I feel like I have just given up. I am on medication, have seen a psychologist (regularly), and also a psychiatrist and I am in contact with my GP. 

I have this incredible shame and guilt about being a mum and a 'member' of society and feeling all of these overwhelming and dark things. I am terrified that I am stuffing up my kids by being so low and hopeless, and I guess I am just reaching out for some lived experience and support, even though it feels like my seemingly 'normal' world around me is crashing before my eyes. 

It is so difficult, and I do/have reached out to crisis services, but I am just so exhausted.

I hope I have not written the wrong thing, and thank you if you have read this far and can offer any words of wisdom or guidance. 

- Lillypad

[Former-Member]

Hi @Lillypad86 

welcome to the forum and please know that you are not alone.

I haven't met any patients in hospital, and I've been a few times, that don't share the feelings of guilt and shame you describe. Knowing this probably won't make the feeling go away, but at least you know you're not alone.

Shame for me is a major issue, but I'll limit it to the general 'shame about having a mental illness' - self stigma. My world crumbled apart around me and I lost my job, which had a big impact. I had to do a lot of things about I would say self-confidence or finding myself with my therapist. I still don't have the confidence and say 'this was me before' - 'this is me now' without falling into a heap.

I asked my therapist once if people with chronic physical conditions experience guilt and she said yes. But I wouldn't say to a physically sick person that they should feel guilty about the impact of their health on their family - again, self-stigma.

I am glad you asked this question on the forum. Please also continue to talk to your psychologist about it, as for me these feeling become overwhelmiing at times.