Lived Experience Forum

[TAB]

thats alright @Everan  if I thought I could help I would try to

[Everan]

That's alright it was good to hear 🙂 @TAB 

[TAB]

all good hope @Everan 

[Everan]

Yes thanks 🙂 @TAB 

[Flying_Hams]

Hey @greenpea 🙂

Yeah @Everan maybe it's a balance act between your MH and your character traits

[outlander]

Hey @Everan
interesting topic youve brought up. Like you and many others I get triggerred by others in many different areas too. Its really great that you can recognise this and what your needs are ie needing to feel in control of the conversation. Anything out in public and even worse crowded places can very easily send me into a spin too.

When it comes to conversations its tricky to anticipate what the other person/people may say and we cant really control that. I guess one thing to possibly look at is to explore the reason why you need to control things? For me the control comes from my past and having no control in any of my situations (or not a lot of choice) this in itself felt relieving to know I wasnt just a 'control freak'

I often listen more then I speak,im naturally a quiet and shy person so its not all the different to me to listen rather then speak. if its a topic im not comfortable with I wont say much unless im asked or if I feel strongly about whatever the topic is. Im pretty good at changing the topic in subtile ways or ending the conversation if I really need to. Im not a liar persay but when it comes to my anixety I feel ok saying 'im really sorry but I need to head off now, I have an appointment to attend but it was nice catching up with you' is often an acceptable way without feeling like your cutting them off or being rude. If I get to overwhelmed I either shut down or everything I say comes across as being abrupt or very rushed/stuttery so makes me more embarrassed then breaking away from the conversation.

As for some other ways to cope, its about what works for you. Breathing and being mindful of that is a great place to start. For me when im really anxious I tend to fiddle with things so I generally wear a ring that I twist around my finger as something to help manage the anxiety without making to too obvious.

Hope this helps abit and that you find what works well for you

[Everan]

Hi @outlander 

Thanks for your help 🙂 It's good to hear from another persons perspective, which helps me to work on it. You have helped me understand about triggers. It's a battle. Lots to think about.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for the tag @Everan 

For breathing is a thing too, so I am often regulating breathing in the things I do, like walking, singing playing recorder.  I used to swim. 

Re control; I can only control my side of things, so try and keep that going well.

I can be too quiet and too talkative. I have listened a lot. Getting the balance right is not easy, but lately has been working out better.  For a few years I have "practised" conversation on the train with random people.  Often I will open but not always.  Lately, somehow I have been in situations where the people around me have more in common with me and the conversations go deeper and flow better.  I try not to have a fixed idea of an outcome.  I am lonely, and most chats dont amount to anything, but I try and just leave things as natural.  

If people are attacking you in conversation, it makes sense you will feel defensive and want to re-establish control.  I have not had a lot of luck with those situations, though they still come up as I am in social activities with a wide range of people and stuff just happens.  

Great to read everybody's responses.

Hope today goes well.

Apple

[Everan]

Thanks so much @Appleblossom.

I just logged on and wanted to thank you for your words. It is particularly busy at work and will get to have a look on the weekend 🙂

[Everan]

Self help

It’s working

Plan for sleeping too long

I swim for 1/2 hour and reduce sleep by 2 hours.

Plan for getting triggered.

I find that i need to stop being triggered by interactions with people. I find that i get angry and hold on. I now know that i need to exercise restraint as soon as a start to get angry and be patient and develop tolerance. I need to practice breathing. I also to say i forgive you to set myself free when it builds up.

If you have any thoughts please post away @Flying_Hams @Shaz @Appleblossom @greenpea @outlander @Queenie @TAB