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Re: Need to vent

I'm sorry @Bow  your dad wasn't there for yoiu.  that would have been really tough, and i feel has a long term effect.

even though i am close to my dad, i can't contact him because of my mum.

 

i was very close to my mum.  i used to call her every single day. then 10 years ago i remembered i was sexually abused as a child (9-12 yrs) and i told my mum.  well that's when things changed for the worse.  her and dad abandoned me and rejected me for 4 years.  i sent my dad a birthday present, she returned it!! I wrote her a letter explaining what happened as a child and my depression etc - she returned the letter.

as an adult and into married life i was always controlled by her.  i would ring her for her 'validation, or acceptance' of whatever item we would buy.  had to have her approval.  looking back now it was horrible and exhausting.

while having that 4 year seperation from them i had to learn to make my own decisions.  it was really tough.  we sold our home and bought another - all without her acceptance or approval.  it was scary but a good feeling.

she is jealous with the close relationship i have with my sister.  she is jealous and acts funny when i tell her i am going away on holidays.

there's so much to my story.  

 

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Re: Need to vent

That’s horrible @BlueBay I’m sorry that’s your story.... and mine too. I wonder why your parents abandoned you after telling them that? I’m sure there are reasons, maybe you know, and no need to talk about it if you don’t want to. I kept my childhood sexual abuse a secret for a long time, and when I eventually told.... or more so, when my mum discovered what had happened, I didn’t like the way she responded. It scared me. Can’t image her pain when she found out the man that she married (my step dad) did what he did to me, that she wasn’t able to do the one thing that a mum wants to do- protect her child. We’ve never really talked about it since, we don’t tend to talk deep stuff, but yeah anyways. Rambling.

As difficult as it was, sounds like that time apart was good for you as your own person. You learnt to make those decisions on your own and have grown. 

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Re: Need to vent

I'm so sorry that you have suffered abuse as a child @Bow  it's horrible

hugs xxx

My memories of my abuse came out when i was 44 yrs old.  I don't know how or why it didn't come out earlier in life. I have a feeling that my mum knows what happened, not 100% though.  Even still, you would think a mother would love and protect their children and I am sorry your mum didn't protect you.

We have never spoken about my abuse again after her verbal abusing me 10 years ago.  Her fit of rage was unbelieavable.    And also the fact that i had confided with my sister before telling my mum was not acceptable to my mum.  she was raged when she found out.  all i did was tell my sister, how can that be so wrong.

it still sometimes gets to me, i do get angry and want to lash out eg. self harm but when i look at my little granddaughter i stop.  

no, there were no real reasons on their part to abandon me.  I waslked out of their home hysteriucally .

better go i will come back later xxxx

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Re: Need to vent

Hugs @BlueBay 

I hope that your sister was more understanding when you first told her. The first person I told believed me, and was supportive. And that’s all we want, need and deserve and I am sorry that you didn’t get that from your own mum, the one person who you should be able to rely on. I’m so sorry.

Are you still silent about it? Or do you have a current therapist or someone you can discuss this with? 

Wasn’t so much that my mum didn’t protect me, she couldn’t, she wasn’t around when it happened. I don’t blame her, she may blame herself for letting him into our lives though. Who knows really. 

I’m glad you have your granddaughter to give you hope and a way through this. My daughter is that for me. She is 5. She is the only reason I am still alive, although it’s hard, so incredibly hard. It’s a monster that I fight every single day at the moment. 

Hugs again @BlueBay 

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Re: Need to vent

I know how important your relationship with your Dad is @BlueBay so I understand Heart

 

It now becomes a choice to not let all that shite from your Mum get to you - feel it, acknowledge it but also remember that is the way she is and she is not going to change - you are the only one that can find a way through it and you need to for your own health ...don't let her continue to have that hold over you because that will continue to make your angry and upset and therefore continue to affect your health. You have your sister's support, your daughter is happy and your other son has a full time job - celebrate the good you have in your life and make those things the priority in your own mind.

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Re: Need to vent

@Shaz51 @Maggie @BPDSurvivor @Dec @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 and ithers 

 

I'm really emotional and very sad 

I found out today that a friend of ours hasn't got long to live 

she's had cancer (lung, kidney spine and now brain) for a few years. Was in remission but now they've sent her home.  Nothing else doctors can do. 
her daughter is same age as mine. The girls went to school together. 
the daughter got engaged start of year; announced her pregnancy 4 months ago and now today organising her wedding to be held in 2 weeks. My D has been asked to do the make up for her and her mum. 
uts going to be a very hard and emotional day. 
my friend us so excited thst she is going to be a grandma next May. But now I don't think she'll make it. She won't get to see her grandchild. 
such a beautiful caring person always smiling 

 

im really sad znd hsbe cried a bit thinking of her 

 

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Re: Need to vent

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@BlueBay ..... sending hugs and love .....

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Re: Need to vent

@grayhorn 

I studied sexual assault, worked some weekends to be on call. I couldnt work out why sexual assault seemed to have such huge repercussions until I was sexually assaulted myself. First there's the event, then in the aftermath I couldnt tell my son, because he knew the guy and would have ripped his arms off, which I would have been glad about, but would have started a vendetta with repercussions for my loved one. The guy's cousin was my friend ( lost that friendship as a result of speaking out a year later) but he got run out of town after some more years passed and he doesnt live in Australia anymore. He abused so many young children and vunerable women, always got off if it went to court. Not enough evidence.

So I learnt first hand, that the assault is one thing, but then you have everyone's attitudes and opinions to deal with as well. No wonder so many people dont speak up.

Takes courage aye.

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Re: Need to vent

@grayhorn
So sad for you Blue. It’s such a blessing, but such sorrow too, to walk with someone who’s passing.
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Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay  Sending 💙💙

 

@grayhorn Welcome. I hope you can join in where you feel comfortable.

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