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Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @outlander   Thanks for the support everyone.  Mums been pretty good today, although  at lunch time she did look at me and say how she and (my name) went to a cafe last week and it was cold  - not sure who she thought I was at the time.

 

Just as I was typing this my mum was telling me how well her mum is getting on, how she hasn’t got cancer but is an invalid from a brain tumour but she is getting on really well.  Her mother died 30+ years ago.  We have this conversation EVERY day, and when I tell her she died a long time ago she just gets $hitty.  

 

I had a couple of panic attacks in the last hour or so, my anxiety has been all over the place lately, so feeling a little washed out now.  I’ll try for an early night tonight I think.

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Razzle @do you have access to counselling services specific to dementia ?  It might be that for things like that it is better for her and you to just nod and seem to agree with her in the moment, leaving her to believe in that lost-in-the-wrong-timeline moment, but not having dealt with dementia, I don’t really know ..... just trying to think about how I might have dealt with the situation I guess.

 

There must be some advice around it, whether to try to correct the mistaken understanding, or just leave it be and try to work with the more lucid moments perhaps.

 

I hear your frustration and distress.

 

💐💕

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Faith-and-Hope   I do have to judge the moment, most of the time I just agree and not make an issue of it, but sometimes she starts to go looking for her or she wants me to make a meal for her too.  Sometimes she’ll straight out ask where she is, if she has died.  

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

Hugs @Razzle .....

Not easy at all.

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Razzlemy friend , when your mum talks about her mum , it might be just easier to agree with her

I am doing this to my mum instead of reminding her that she has  told me that already xxx

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Shaz51   Yeah I do agree with her most times, it’s usually when she asks me directly if she has died or not, or when she goes searching for her.  We can have the same conversation 50 times or more a day on a particular topic, I always respond as if it’s the first time she’s ever said it - because it is the first time for her.  

 

She was looking at a catalogue this morning at breakfast and was talking about those free minis if you spend $30.  She said what happens for mums that have 3 or 4 kids.  She would have said that at least 10 times in 1/2hr, and I answered like it’s the 1st time.  It can be frustrating now, but I know she won’t

live forever and in a few years I know I would give anything to have those conversations again.

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

hearing you on the repetition and confusion @Razzle my grandad forgets and then repeats himself every 15 minutes sometimes. last time we had an appointment with one of his specialists he repeated himself 5 times in less then half an hour and pointed it out to him herself. by the time we left and got home (10 min away) he forgot what appointment he was at, why and what was discussed. he too gets angry or upset if I point things out.

It might be best to just acknowledge and agree with your mum when she talks about her mum. by the next day she wont have remembered telling you anyway. its quite frustrating and draining so try to do some things to destress too.

Re: New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

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